Tuesday, December 18, 2007

First Hominid Found - Alive and Well!

This amazing photograph is that of Ardipithecus ramidus, the brutish and dim-witted first hominid and cousin to the pimeval ape, Ramapithecus.

Ardipithecus ramidus was thought to have died out about 4 million years ago when more intelligent and capable hominids evolved that were more able to stand up to the challenges which primitive man had to face.

However, as this startling photograph shows,some of these brutish and dim-witted creatures still exist to this day. Unfortunately, they appear to be in rude good health, though apparently they still suffer from the nits which infested their body hair and caused them much discomfort.

Paleoanthropologists are of the opinion that Ardipithecus ramidus was the first hominid which learned use a weapon - specifically a club - and you can see that this fine example still clutches onto a vestigial version of that in his left hand.

Another notable fact regarding Ardipithecus ramidus was that he was what we would euphemistically call today 'intellectually challenged', and those experts who have studied the example in the photograph can certainly confirm that he fulfils that criterion.

However, not everyone is pleased about this discovery. Animal rights activists have protested that it is demeaning and cruel for the poor creature's keepers to have groomed him and dressed him up in modern day clothing. As Austin B Hymenslacker of the 'American League Against Pampered Pets' said: "Naked, apart from their thick covering of body hair, these creatures have a certain dignity, but shaving them and forcing them into expensive clothing detracts from that and just makes them look like a gorilla in a suit".

Quite so.

3 comments:

audrey said...

Oh my! I laughed so hard, I nearly peed my pants! Thank you. :-)

The Merchant of Menace said...

Glad to have raised a smile.

Happy Yule to you and yours, Audrey, and a successful New Year to you all.

audrey said...

Thank you! Happy Holidays to you, as well. Keep warm and well. :-)