The Ravings of an Old Git

An Inconvenient Truth for Gordon Brown

2009-12-05T09:51:00.002Z

So, now that the the University of East Anglia's Climatic Research Unit has been exposed for hiding data which demonstrated that human activity is not a major factor in the currently observable climate changes, our duplicitous and manipulative leader, Prime Minister Gordon Brown, has launched a blistering attack on those who refuse to accept that it is "all man's fault" that much of the Earth is allegedly facing destruction directly caused by our own selfish activities. Gordy has even called us "flat earthers" and "anti-science"; in other words, he has charged us with being truth-deniers, unlike himself, apparently.

Since he claims to be such a champion of the truth, Gordon Brown should now be prepared to acknowledge the veracity of the remarks made by Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the American Federal Reserve, to the US Senate recently. Bernanke reiterated what everyone willing and capable of enunciating the truth had previously voiced:

“Over the past few years [Gordon Brown] removed from the Bank of England most of its supervisory authorities.When the crisis hit - for example when the Northern Rock bank came under stress - the Bank of England was completely in the dark and unable to deal effectively with what turned out to be a destructive run and a major problem for the British economy.”

Naturally, Gordon Brown, not to mention his sycophants, toadies, place-men and the Treasury mandarins who backed his 'reforms' - well, it was either back him or be fired - have strenuously denied that the fact the UK faces the worst banking crisis in the World has anything whatsoever to do with Brown's mismanagement of our regulatory system. For those "flat earthers" and truth-deniers, the UK banking system crises was all caused by "World events" and had absolutely nothing at all to do with Gordon Brown's complete incompetence. What hubris, but then we are used to that from this thoroughly discredited Government and their despicable apologists.

The real truth of the matter is that Gordon Brown just wants to be remembered for achieving something other than a complete fuck-up of the UK economy - not to mention diverting us from remembering his support for the continued wastage of lives, money and materiel in that corrupt shit-hole known as Afghanistan - so he tries to divert our attention by jumping on the next available band-wagon. His twisted posturing is simply a politician's version of that childish party game 'pass the parcel', and is about as effective as Nero allegedly fiddling whilst Rome burned.

Home Information Packs Are A Swindle

2009-10-16T20:00:00.002Z

According to the UK Government's website it is now illegal to try to sell one's property without a Home Information Pack (HIP). The preamble states, inter alia:

"The HIP lets buyers see important information on the property at the start of the process, free of charge...This means there's less chance of buyers becoming aware of any surprises at the end of the process."

Amusing, then, that Energy Performance Certificate which is a fundamental part of the HIP is based on mandatory paradigms that must be used by the Government's accredited Energy Assessors but which ignores the actual facts and bases all calculations on outdated and irrelevant so-called standardised data that has little relevance to any particular case.

Thus, in our case, we were amused to read in our HIP that if we carried out all the energy-saving recommendations made by the Energy Assessor, our utilities bills would be more than double what they actually are! Yes, it's true. According to our HIP, the standardised model shows that if we invest over £3,000 now in so-called energy-saving technology, our bills would be reduced to only £67 per month! However, in actual fact we pay only £31 per month currently, and have built up a substantial credit in so doing. So, presumably if we do all that the Energy Assessor recommends, the utility companies will actually pay us for using their products?

Meanwhile, this worthless piece of ~~shit~~ paper has cost us in excess of £400, which is effectively just a tax on selling our house.

Even more risible is that the paradigms used in these stupid calculations do not take into account the time value of money - even assuming that one had the capital to invest in the so-called energy-saving recommendations in the first place. (You are aware of the time-value of money aren't you Gordy? If not, why not, since you and your ~~sycophants~~ arse-licking lackeys like to pretend that you are the greatest Chancellor of the Exchequer the World has ever seen.)

Mind you, one does have to look on the bright side. The introduction of HIPS made it necessary to employ hundreds of Energy Assessors, thereby helping to reduce the soaring dole queues at a time when the Labour Government found them embarrassing.

Unfortunately for the rest of us, the Labour Government has become the greatest embarrassment of all.

Big Pond, Small Fish.

2009-09-17T17:40:00.002Z

Nothing, except that Alf was an honest working-class man who was true to his political views, no matter how reprehensible they appeared to be to others. Middle-class soi-disant socialists are another thing entirely. Especially when they have spent nearly all their adult life in academia rather than get a real job.

Amusingly, this Alf lookalike once poked scorn at working-class ex-pat culture on the island of Symi whilst simultaneously pretending to be a champion of the lower orders in the shit-hole that is Caledonia. However, he justified that on the grounds that those he excoriated were English who did not share the allegedly noble Celtic traits which he claims for himself and admires so much in his compatriots.

Needless to say, the victims of this diatribe responded that the accusations levelled at them were inaccurate, unbalanced and anecdotal. They also claimed that the author was a regular and heavy drinker, offensively argumentative, mentally sick and a bigot. Apparently he had even indulged in the violent pastime of brawling. Naturally the ex-pats of Symi claim that he is not welcome back there and that they are not the only inhabitants of the island to feel that way. It was also alleged that they were going to sue the author for his calumnies, even though he was apparently skulking in new Zealand at the time.

Perhaps that's why Dr Sean Damer has moved back to his beloved ~~shit-hole~~ Glasgow and currently is living at G/2, 15 Garrioch Quadrant, Glasgow, G20 8RT; he can be contacted on 0141 561 7838.

De Gaulle: Coward or Hubristic Creep?

2009-03-15T19:17:00.005Z

Following on from my previous post, a surprise rummage in The Old Git's attic found a transcript of a radio interview given on Radio Vichy dating from early 1944 by that egregious coward and self-promoting narcissist, Charles De Gaulle, France's most pusillanimous leader, arch-Anglophobe, and completely graceless twat, who famously said that he'd rather that France was occupied by Nazis than let Paris be liberated by the British, Commonwealth and American allies who subsequently saved his country from Germany's brutal domination.

Oh, and if any Francophiles, De Gaulle apologists, or other distorters of historical accuracy disbelieve the foregoing, they only have to inspect the forces' death rolls for the D-Day landings. On that day, 6th June 1944, the historian Andrew Roberts maintains that of the 4,572 allied servicemen who died on that day only 19 were French. That is 0.4%.

Mind you, those 19 brave Frenchmen must be given due credit for their sacrifice, for whilst they were spilling their blood on their sacred homeland, that egregious coward and arch-creep, De Gaule, was dining in complete safety on the finest of wines and food (specially imported from France, naturally) in Claridge's Hotel, London.

Nevertheless, after the liberation of Paris in August 1944, De Gaulle was given a hero's welcome by his countrymen in the French capital when he led the triumphant liberation march into that city (it would appear that the French think that a hero is someone who hides until all the danger is over and then accepts the credits for having single-handedly defeating the enemy whilst skulking in safety and luxury).

Another measure of the De Gaulle's desire to remove the debt that both he, and the country which he came to rule, owed us was during France's withdrawal from NATO in the 1960s. At that time, De Gaulle telephoned the US President, Lyndon B Johnstone, and insisted that he wanted all US military personnel removed from France's sacred soil. Johnstone is reputed to have replied: "Does that include the dead ones who are buried in it?" Apparently De Gaulle seriously considered replying in the affirmative but the only thing that stopped him was the doubt that his tame revisionist historians in the Académie française could successfully rewrite history to expunge all mention of the overwhelming numbers of non-French who gave their lives liberating his largely collaborationist country.

In answer to the question in the title, De Gaulle was neither but both simultaneously. But then history has a way of ignoring the real heroes and awarding undeserved accolades on the completely unworthy like De Gaulle.

Next, some so-called 'worthy' will be denying that The Holocaust ever took place.

It would be side-splittingly funny if it wasn't so fucking pathetically sad!

Tax The Poor Until It Hurts (Them)!

2009-03-15T18:19:00.004Z

So, according to the BBC, the Government's top medical adviser, Sir Liam Donaldson, has drawn up plans for a minimum price for alcohol which would double the cost of some drinks in England.

Under Donaldson's proposal, no drinks could be sold for less than 50 pence per unit of alcohol they contain. A quick calculation shows that the cost of my usual tipple (Asda's own label Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon red wine) would increase from £3.07 per 75 centilitre bottle to £4.90, an increase of some 60%, with the result that it now becomes unaffordable for me to continue to drink shop bought wine if the Government decides to accept Donaldson's proposals.

On the face of it, therefore, Donaldson's proposals will have achieved one of their allegedly desired results - a decrease in the amount of alcohol purchased from legal sources of supply - but if he, or any other wealthy buffoon who subscribes to his ill thought out proposal thinks that I, and others like me, will cease drinking on the grounds that it has become economically unaffordable, then it is proof indeed, if such were needed, that the rich live in a completely different version of reality from the rest of us.

Personally, I, and no doubt many like me, will simply start manufacturing our own beer and wine, but whilst I will do so purely for my own benefit, many others will be manufacturing their own alcohol and selling it to the less technically capable, with the result, so often commonplace in Ireland, that many people will either go blind or die from drinking poorly made (and non-potable) potheen, or 'bootleg alcohol'.

As for the quality of the beer and wine I am capable of making, well suffice to say that I have won accolades for it in the past from discerning judges, so the quality is there. What's more, I can make a pint of extremely palatable beer - stout, heavy, bitter, or lager, depending on my choice - for approximately 80 pence at today's prices, and a bottle of equally good quality red or white wine for £1.25 to £1.00 respectively. More importantly, perhaps, is the fact that I still have all the equipment I need stowed away in my attic, so all I have to buy is the raw materials and I can be back in production tomorrow.

Admittedly I am a bit older now, and the work involved is rather heavy and tiresome at times, but only 20 years ago I was producing 100 gallons of beer and 10 hectolites of wine per annum, and I see no reason why I cannot still match that.

True, the wine won't be drinkable for some time, but whilst it is maturing, I can always console myself with a nice glass of beer, since that takes no more than 3 weeks for the first batch to be quaffable, and my cellar of shop bought wine will surely last me that long.

So much for Liam Donaldson's bright idea. Next he'll be proposing a punitive tax on chocolate and a complete ban on MacDonald's Muckburgers (now that is a good idea, Liam)!

Ian Cross: A New Kind Of Low-life

2009-02-25T08:41:00.003Z

Recently I offered an item of furniture free on our local Freecycle group. Immediately there was quite a lot of interest, including an e-mail from someone calling himself Ian Cross which simply said, 'Is the item still available?' I replied by return, saying in similar terse fashion, 'Yes it is - it has only just gone on offer.' I heard nothing more that day from Ian Cross, but several other people were more forthcoming in their emails and one of them sounded like a worthy recipient of my generosity. So, I decided to give the item to that person, made arrangements for its collection, immediately posted an 'Item Taken' notice on the Freecycle website .

Over 24 hours later, and after the item had been collected by my chosen recipient, Ian Cross sent me a surprising email which stated, 'When can I come to collect the item, and what is your address?' I replied, 'Sorry, the item has gone - I posted a notice to that effect on the Freecycle forum.' Imagine my surprise, therefore, when Ian Cross immediately replied with an extremely offensive and threatening e-mail claiming that I had promised the item to him, that he'd had to hire a van to collect it, and that I had cost him the £20 non-refundable deposit he'd had to pay to book the van. There is no doubt in my mind from the threatening tone and mendacious nature of Ian Cross' e-mail that he was trying to extort money from me, and I wrote back to him rebutting his claims, and pointing out that his threats and demand for money amounted to extortion.

A wiser person would have left it there, but Ian Cross is not such a person, so he replied in an even more abusive fashion bleating on about how it was 'appauling' (sic) to accuse him of extortion, and that I am 'pompus (sic) and snobby' for refusing to reimburse his alleged financial losses, and that I 'should get a grip with reality'. At that point I reported Ian Cross to the Moderators of our Freecycle group for his threatening, abusive behaviour and his attempts to extort money, but not surprisingly I have received no response from them.

Frankly, I doubt that this is the first time that Ian Cross has tried this despicable technique of his to extort money from less able or vulnerable Freecyclers, so if anyone out there receives an email from him or one bearing the e-mail address ianinkent@yahoo.co.uk then they should immediately trash it after marking it as spam, for he, if it is indeed a he, is nothing other than a duplicitous, mendacious cheat and low-life would-be extortioner.

Lest We Forget

2008-11-11T19:21:00.005Z

So it's the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month - as if those magic numbers have any relevance per se - and 90 years to the day when the horror to end all horrors ended, yet once again we are exhorted to remember the 'heroes' who gave their lives for for the rest of us.

Fact, 11, 11, 11 is not a magical incantation.

Fact, most of those who gave their lives were not heroes, whatever is meant by that word.

Fact, rather than showing our respect to those who died, we should excoriate those who permitted that atrocity to happen - not forgetting that our leaders were the ones who took great care to ensure that their paltry lives were safe and sound whilst ensuring that they were never likely to make the 'great sacrifice' that they sent millions to endure on their behalf.

Fact. all wars are an atrocity against humanity.

Fact, those who start them never participate directly in them, but always skulk safely in the background whilst exhorting others to risk their lives doing their dirty work.

Fact, wearing a poppy is to exculpate Field Marshall Earl Haig for his cowardice and war crimes.

Fact, those who consider themselves our masters are despicable, cowardly shite who hid behind the "lions led by donkeys"!

Lest we forget.

Thus speaks one who remembers all 90 previous 11th of Novembers.

Ian Rushbrook: Quiescat in Pace

2008-10-15T18:09:00.006Z

Today I was informed of the sad and sudden death of a former colleague, client, and investment guru, Ian Francis Rushbrook. He was in his 69th year, and his premature death will be mourned by many.

Ian Rushbrook was one of the few investment managers who was prepared to put his own - and his family's money - into the fund he managed. He was, in my opinion, up there with the Masters, such as Warren Buffett and Benjamin Graham.

Ian needs no eulogy from me, but suffice to say that he was one of the few voices perspicacious or honest enough to warn of the financial difficulties that the US and the UK now find themselves in; indeed, he first raised these issues some years ago, long before anyone else in the UK did so publicly, and he was vociferous about it right up to his untimely death on Sunday.

Goodbye old friend, and thanks for everything.

NB: For those who are not familiar with the man, I append extracts from the obituary article published in 'The Scotsman' on 14th October 2008 (which appeared online here):

History offers some poignant examples of men who passed away in the hour of their greatest triumph. One such was Ian Rushbrook. As managing director of Personal Assets Trust (Pat), Rushbrook had, over several years, become convinced that a major dislocation of world banking and finance was looming. As he said with astonishing prescience to Pat's July 2007 AGM (his lucid and searching expositions of the investment outlook were legendary): "Is the financial world sleepwalking into disaster? No. It's worse than that. It's walking into disaster, wide awake.

"The Federal Reserve, the US banking system, the US mortgage industry, the investment banks, the hedge and private equity funds, all know what's happening; yet they carry on regardless ... Credit, debt and liquidity have expanded to extraordinary levels and we are certain this expansion must reverse itself. And the catalyst for such a reversal won't be a butterfly fluttering its wings over Peking. It will be a vulture, glutted on subprime mortgages, falling from its perch on a skyscraper over Wall Street."

Rushbrook's warnings fell on deaf ears and sometimes earned him harsh criticism. Recent events have proved how right he was.

Over the 18 years in which he managed Pat, the company's funds grew from £5.5 million to the present £160 million. He overcame the problem of the discount to net asset value at which investment trusts typically sell by a determination, now enshrined in the company's articles of association, to eliminate it by vigorous and continuing share buybacks coupled to the issue of new shares if demand exceeded supply.

Critics forecast that this would cause the company to shrink significantly. Instead, the confidence the discount control policy gave to shareholders saw Pat's share capital increase fivefold.

PS: He was also a good poker player.

Hello and Goodbye

2008-09-09T18:05:00.002Z

A few weeks ago I was rather surprised to receive a handwritten letter from someone who claimed to be the granddaughter of a cousin I never knew I had.

Despite the rather homely writing style, the information in the letter regarding my own antecedents was sufficiently accurate and not publicly known, therefore I knew that the writer was genuine and that their letter was not some sort of unsophisticated scam. Nevertheless, I responded somewhat guardedly, since I have long since learned to shun intrusive enquiries into my life - and taken considerable steps to ensure that my privacy is secured.

Imagine my amusement when my neutral yet factual response was met with rather gushing attempts to establish some kind of meaningful blood-bond by this unknown relation from nowhere, as if the fact that we shared some obscure and totally irrelevant ancestor was material to her and implying that it should also be material to me.

All the more amusing to me was the fact that in the follow-up correspondence from this person, they claimed to have investigated and catalogued exhaustively our shared family-tree, yet the details she quoted regarding our shared antecedents - allegedly culled from copies of prime documents that she had obtained - were not only substantially inaccurate, but simply could not accord with the very prime documents she claimed to have copies of in her possession. And I should know, because I was the person responsible for lodging the originals of those very same prime documents all those years ago with the relevant authorities and, indeed, still had the time-worn originals in my possession - and they did not show what she claimed categorically that they did.

At this instance, perhaps a small digression is in order. It should be appreciated that someone who, like me, describes themselves as an 'The Old Git' is not likely to countenance divagations from the facts with equanimity, yet much to my chagrin this soi-disant relation had the temerity to claim that my corrections of her family-tree were inaccurate, as she was quoting "from copies of the originals" - completely ignoring the fact that only I had the actual originals (and been responsible for their being recorded) - therefore I must be wrong in my claims, which she was kind enough to suggest was understandable due to me being in my dotage.

Naturally, she did not have the grace to apologise when I scanned the original documents and sent them to her by e-mail, together with a lengthy narrative history of our antecedents that proved her so-called 'research' to be as worthwhile as the usual drivel that is passed off as an authoritative academic exercise these days - particularly in the so-called 'social sciences', though real science is no longer far behind in its willingness to publish bogus nonsense as empirical fact simply in order that its authors become noticed.

Even more amusingly, I was able to demonstrate to this obscure relation that her mother, and all her aunts and uncles that she claimed to revere so much, were born illegitimately as the result of a deceitful and bigamous marriage, and that all these people whom she considered worthy of respect simply because they had some sort of tenuous blood-tie to her were actually damaged goods (for reasons that decency forbids me to recollect here), despite more than one of them having been accredited publicly as 'heroes'.

Unsurprisingly, my long-lost, completely obscure, and equally irrelevant relation has not responded to my overwhelming factual ripostes, since facts are facts, no matter how unpalatable they may be to those (like she) who would prefer to believe otherwise, but I do not see why I should participate in some make-believe nonsense just because it makes delusional people feel good in themselves to espouse it.

Thus, the gushing 'hello' with which I was initially greeted has become an effective 'goodbye'.

And from now on there will be two versions of our family tree: the factual one which I participated in directly, and the specious nonsense being passed off by an obscure descendant who claims a tenuous (and entirely meaningless) blood-relationship with me.

Were so-called 'blood-ties' important, a simple DNA test would prove that we were all likely related to each other within the past few generations.

So what?

What A Waste!

2008-08-25T17:22:00.002Z

The BBC filled the first 10 minutes of its lunchtime news programme today with a report extolling the wonders of the Beijing Olympics and went on gushingly to advise us that the games "cost more than £20 billion" to stage, thereby suggesting that we should all have been impressed by such an extravagant and completely obscene waste of money. It then posted this ridiculous article on its website entitled: "GB Olympic heroes welcomed home." Even more nonsensical, perhaps, was the other claim made by the BBC yesterday, viz: "The Queen has congratulated the UK's Beijing heroes...".

What heroes are they? All these participants did was take part in a sports competition. Name a single one of them who over the past 16 days of bread and circuses put their lives on the line for anyone else, performed a single altruistic act, or achieved anything that benefited mankind one iota. Bet you can't.

Admittedly, the OED gives the first meaning of the word 'hero' as:

"A name given (as in Homer) to men of superhuman strength, courage, or ability, favoured by the gods; at a later time regarded as intermediate between gods and men, and immortal."

However, it does state that the forgoing is an antiquated usage (and, in any event, it is clearly inappropriate for a bunch of people who had a nice holiday playing their favourite sport). The OED then gives the current meaning as:

"A man distinguished by extraordinary valour and martial achievements; one who does brave or noble deeds; an illustrious warrior."

Just like the poor sods in the British Army who are risking their lives for this corrupt New Labour Government by serving in Iraq and Afghanistan - many of whom have died. Now some of those serving in those conflicts are real heroes, so please do not devalue the word by applying it to a bunch of sportsmen and women who have risked absolutely nothing to play silly games that count for fuck all anyway.

Undeterred, Gordy Broon has promised that the UK will be wasting a mere £9.5 billion on hosting the Olympics here, but since everyone knows that all public infrastructure expenditure estimates undershoot the eventual cost by a factor of at least 3 times, you can bet that the UK will waste even more than the Chinese just have by the time the farrago opens here in 2012.

Never mind that we can't properly fund our pensioners, health-care, education, transport infrastructure, etc., - not to mention the poor sods we send to fight and die in our stupid little wars! The BBC will still refer to the participants in the 2012 games as 'heroes', and the hoi-polloi will be distracted by more bread and circuses.

What a waste!

Plagiarist Psychiatrist Exposed , But Won't Resign

2008-06-16T18:03:00.005Z

This is none other that the plagiarist pop-psychiatrist Raj Persaud , the well-known self-publicist, opinionated mountebank, self-confessed "expert" and polymath who demonstrates such little personal integrity or academic rigour in the practice of his avowed profession that he has to steal the work of others and pass it off as his own . Mind you, what could one expect from a man who has passed of his unsubstantiated opinions that "all flashers are rapists" or that "all cross-dressers are gay" on that third-rate Channel 4 TV programme for the intellectually challenged, the now defunct 'Richard and Judy Show'.

Not unnaturally, however, Persaud is less critical of his own failings as a human being than he is of those whom he excoriates, claiming that his folly was no more than a simple "cut and paste error" on his part and that it did not indicate some deeper, festering problem in his psyche. What a pity, therefore, that Persaud is not familiar with the findings of Herr Doctor Doctor Doctor Theodore Thinkelspein (and, yes, he does have 3 Doctorates), who indicates that needy, attention-seeking people like Persaud who resort to plagiarism in order to boost their own fragile ego are capable of almost any vile, sub-human atrocity that one human-being can visit on another.

Perhaps Thinkelspein's findings explain why Persaud likes to pontificate in such a damaging, unsympathetic and unscientific way about the foibles of others who are foolish enough to consult him in his professional capacity as a consultant psychiatrist. One only hopes that the GMC has the integrity to strike him off, but I doubt it - not that 'striking off' is any real punishment, since the average practice ban imposed by them is a derisory 3 months. Still, those of us who value personal integrity and academic/scientific rigour should appreciate the fact that Persaud has been exposed publicly, at least in part, for the phoney that he undoubtedly is.

Amusingly, and according to the BBC, Persaud denies that his actions were dishonest and were liable to bring his profession into disrepute.

Well I've got some news for you, Raj - as long as people like you are practising psychiatry, the profession will always be in disrepute.

Hope they ban you - and for life. Then you can go back to being a fourth-rate poker player, lol.

For Audrey

2008-01-30T15:41:00.002Z

Thanks for your enquiry.

I have replied by private email.

Kind regards,

TOG.

I Want My Money Back

2007-12-18T22:39:00.000Z

According to the BBC, the Labour government has given £2,000 of each of our hard-earned taxpayers' cash to Northern Rock, simply in order to save jobs in marginal Labour seats in the North of England. And for those who can't count, that's approx £57 billion of our money, rising at the rate of nearly £6 million per week in the opportunity cost of lost interest.

Naturally, that's not how our dour PM, Gordie Broon tells it, or his secret lover, Noncie Darling, but neither of them have satisfactorily explained to me why the British government should spend our money on propping up a public limited company run by inept and financially illiterate and overpaid incompetent buffoons at the expense of the rest of us. (Note for the record - the arch manipulator of this scam has resigned with a handsome payout and pension pot - again at our expense).

Oh, and don't give me that shite about how if NR went under it would bring down the Bank of England - that is about as valid an excuse as Toney Baloney gave for supporting George W Buffoon in his illegal and pre-emptive war on Iraq (oops, I forget that GWB said that the essential 'intelligence' that brought about his 'crusade' was provided by Toney B-liar in the first place).

Frankly, I'm tired of being lied to by this corrupt Labour government and I want my money back.

So, Gordie, you thief, please remit your cheque for £4,000 by return of post - my wife wants her money back too - or I'll never vote for you again.

What's that? I've never voted for you anyway? Well, you can't be surprised by that - I might be senile, but I'm not a lunatic.

Besides, I've always been an anarchist; none of you cunts are worth voting for, you self-serving crooked bastards.

But then, being a son of the manse as you are, Gordie, you will have been well trained from birth in duping and defrauding those less capable of seeing you for what you are - a complete fucking arch-hypocrite, swindler and liar.

Go on, prove me wrong; give us our money back - and right now!

First Hominid Found - Alive and Well!

2007-12-18T09:01:00.001Z

This amazing photograph is that of Ardipithecus ramidus, the brutish and dim-witted first hominid and cousin to the pimeval ape, Ramapithecus.

Ardipithecus ramidus was thought to have died out about 4 million years ago when more intelligent and capable hominids evolved that were more able to stand up to the challenges which primitive man had to face.

However, as this startling photograph shows,some of these brutish and dim-witted creatures still exist to this day. Unfortunately, they appear to be in rude good health, though apparently they still suffer from the nits which infested their body hair and caused them much discomfort.

Paleoanthropologists are of the opinion that Ardipithecus ramidus was the first hominid which learned use a weapon - specifically a club - and you can see that this fine example still clutches onto a vestigial version of that in his left hand.

Another notable fact regarding Ardipithecus ramidus was that he was what we would euphemistically call today 'intellectually challenged', and those experts who have studied the example in the photograph can certainly confirm that he fulfils that criterion.

However, not everyone is pleased about this discovery. Animal rights activists have protested that it is demeaning and cruel for the poor creature's keepers to have groomed him and dressed him up in modern day clothing. As Austin B Hymenslacker of the 'American League Against Pampered Pets' said: "Naked, apart from their thick covering of body hair, these creatures have a certain dignity, but shaving them and forcing them into expensive clothing detracts from that and just makes them look like a gorilla in a suit".

Quite so.

Plus ça change!

2007-12-16T19:29:00.000Z

According to the BBC, contraband seized by customs officers has gone missing from a secure HM Revenue & Customs depot close to Coventry airport. It is believed that drugs, firearms and passports are amongst the missing items.A spokesperson for the HMRC stated:

"We can confirm that a small number of items are missing from one of our offices in the Coventry area.

We cannot comment further on this matter, it's the subject of an ongoing investigation."

Apparently the spokesperson did not reveal when or how the items disappeared, but fortunately I am able to tell him...

It was some of your lot that purloined them.

"What evidence do I have for that claim?" I hear you demand.

Only my experiences working during my long summer vacs in a whisky bond for two of Scotland's (then) major distillers, bottlers and blenders.

You see, no spiritous liquors can be moved out of bond without the appropriate duty being paid to HMG, and the people who enforced the regulations were none other than HM Customs & Excise, as it was then known. There were two branches to HM C&E involved, the administrators - i.e. the clerks in 'civvies' who checked our calculations of the duty payable and ensured that it was all paid before spirits were released from bond - and the enforcers - i.e. the uniformed customs officers who searched everyone and everything (except other customs officers) that went into and out of the bond for contraband. Furthermore, the bond owners had to provide office and rest-room accommodation in the bond for this motley crew of government officials so that they could all the better ensure that their paymaster, HMG, was not defrauded by a perfidious bond owner or any of his employees.

Not unnaturally, perhaps, working in a bond appears to incentivise certain individuals of questionable moral fibre to try to steal their employer's products, and so most employers also employ a security force of their own to counteract this. Unsurprisingly, in both bonds where I worked, the employer's security force ensured that no employee managed to get away with their nefarious activities, yet each firm lost several thousand pounds (at then current prices) of product each and every year.

The culprits?

Why, the very staff of HM C&E, from the lowest minion right up to the Senior Executive Officer in charge of the station.

Naturally, our own security teams had the evidence to prove this, but neither bond owner would press charges against any customs officer for regularly walking out of the bond with a large shopping bag full of clinking bottles of finest malt whisky - for to do so would ensure that the work of the bond would be brought to an effective standstill until the 'droits de seigneurs' were re-established.

Not content with their obvious thieving, however, these customs officers seemed to think that their position gave them unfettered rights to consume the product during their working day. So much so, that most of them left the bond premises well and truly pissed by 'lousing time' - a small matter which would have resulted in instant dismissal for any of the bond owner's own employees.

One day, however, we got the last laugh.

Mr A Stewart, Senior Executive Officer and head of station left the bond so pissed one evening that he fell over in the yard and landed on top of his capacious shopping bag full of stolen whisky. Actually, he didn't so much land on top of it as sit heavily on it - he was a large, rotund man - and with sufficient force to smash the contents. Not only did the smashed bottles pierce his shopper, but they pierced his arse too, gouging a large part of his left buttock off, and the spilt whisky ensured that the stinging pain was much worse than it otherwise would have been from such a fearful wound.

You had to hand it to his colleagues, though. Despite being almost as drunk as Stewart was, they threw him in the back of his car - still screaming and bleeding profusely - and attempted to drive him to the nearby A&E Department. Unfortunately, they forgot to turn right at the end of the lane, and drove straight through the front window of an opposing shop-front.

As Juvenal had it: "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"

Police Go On Strike - Crime Figures Drop.

2007-12-12T19:59:00.000Z

So, according to the BBC, the filth are balloting their members to see whether they wish to go on strike because the New Labour Government of Gordie Brown has short-changed them. Join the club, you wankers - Labour Governments have short-changed pensioners who are reliant on National Insurance Retirement Pension for years now, unlike you molly-coddled thieving bastards on your inflation-proofed-at-our-expense final-salary pensions.

Still, I hope you do go on strike - and for a protracted period - for once it becomes clear that crime does not increase with your absence, perhaps some government will seriously question whether we really need you at all.

Furthermore, given that so many of you are corrupt thieving bastards anyway, crime is actually likely to drop if you lot are kept off the streets as this will hinder your illegal activities somewhat.

As for that oxymoron, the honest copper, don't be upset about this diatribe - remember that you are in the minority of one. Apart from which, remember the old saw: "The next honest copper you meet will be the first" didn't come from nowhere now, did it!

Oh, and by the way, don't bother commenting about what a great job you're all doing and how we need your lot to uphold the law and protect us from law-breakers - for example, it is an absolute offence to ride a bicycle on the pavement (£80 fixed penalty notice), yet today I have had my life threatened by being nearly run-down on the pavement by 23 cyclists racing along without regard either to their law-breaking or my life - yes, my life, for it is a fact that if I am knocked over on the pavement by a cyclist there is a strong probability that one of my hips will be broken and, statistically, 66% of all pensioner who suffer a broken hip die within a 2 months of the accident, never having made a recovery.

So, screw you, you robbing, time-serving, useless bastards, and how poetic that you think that you're the ones now being screwed when you spend your lives screwing others, many of who are completely innocent - and you know it.

Q: What Is A Paedophile?

2007-11-14T18:42:00.000Z

A: Not Chris Langham.

Back in August of this year a jury found Langham guilty of 15 counts of having downloaded what the trial judge described as "the most horrific" videos of sexual abuse of young children, and Det Chief Inspector Paul Fotheringham of Kent Police said:

"The worst video was 15 minutes long and it showed in quite graphic detail the sadistic brutalisation of an eight-year-old girl in the UK, with some serious sexual offences against her."

Nevertheless, Langham's barrister managed to convince two Appeal Court judges today that his client was not a paedophile, since their lordships (actually one of them was a woman) arrived at the conclusion that "...there was no element of sexual gratification involved [in Langham paying for, downloading and storing this horrific filth on his computers]..." and cut his 10 month sentence, allowing him to be released this afternoon.

On his release this afternoon, Langham declaimed:

"My conscience is clear."

And indeed it should be, for the 'Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders' defines the symptoms of paedophilia as:

"This disorder is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors(sic) involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child (typically age 13 or younger). To be considered for this diagnosis, the individual must be at least 16 years old and at least 5 years older than the child."

After all, at his trial, no evidence was presented to suggest that Langham was in any way indulging his own sexual gratification in paying for, downloading and saving these obscene and obnoxious videos on his computers, so everyone who still considers that he is a paedophile is quite wrong.

Which begs the question: What is he?

Amazon is run by crooks!

2007-11-06T16:52:00.000Z

Yes, it's true - Amazon is crooked, if 'crooked' is defined as 'an organisation which makes misleading representations to the public in order to bilk the unsuspecting and trusting out of their hard-earned money'. But, in a sense, what's even worse than the fact that Amazon is crooked, is the arrogant justification that it subsequently offers for its duplicitous and deliberately misleading charges when one complains about the fraud, saying in effect nothing other than 'caveat emptor' - in other words, 'fuck you, ya mug'.

For those who still need evidence proving that Amazon is crooked, here are the facts:-

Recently I visited Amazon's UK website to purchase 7 books.
Amazon advised me that 3 of the books were not in their stock, but informed me that they were immediately available through members of their network of agency merchants, one of which is 'The Book Depository', an organisation that I had never heard of before.
Not to worry, says Amazon, simply order the books through us and make payment to Amazon and we will pass this on to our agent, thereby protecting you against fraud by The Book Depository.
Reassured by Amazon's guarantee against fraud, I duly placed my order for 4 books from Amazon for those which they had in stock and the other 3 to be delivered by The Book Depository.
At that point, Amazon advised me that The Book Depository made a charge of £2.75 per book 'for postage and packing', but that this charge was not of Amazon's doing since they would have delivered these 3 books for free had they had them in stock - and indeed the 4 books that Amazon were delivering direct were post and packing free.
Naturally I accepted Amazon's word as being accurate and truthful, so I agreed to pay the additional £8.25 which Amazon claimed was imposed by The Book Depository for 'post and packing'.
Subsequently, I received a confirmation from The Book Depository for the despatch of my 3 books, which went on to invite me to their website to see what else they had to offer.
Imagine my surprise on visiting the site of The Book Depository to discover that they make absolutely no charge for post and packing, which is completely contrary to what those crooks at Amazon say.
On taking the matter up with The Book Depository, they replied confirming that they do not make a charge for post and packing, and that the charge of £2.75 per book is unilaterally applied by those crooks at Amazon.
At that point I went back to Amazon, and laid these facts before them. In fairness, I pointed out also that had I dealt directly with The Book Depository rather than through Amazon, I would have been charged more for the 3 books. However, since The Book Depository made absolutely no charge for post and packing, despite the fraudulent claims made by Amazon on their website and in subsequent emails to me, I would have obtained these 3 books some £2.63 cheaper by not trusting those crooks at Amazon and dealing direct with The Book Depository. I then asked those crooks at Amazon to refund me this £2.63, since they had obtained it by false pretences.
Judging by the names of the bottom of the email replies I have received from Amazon, their staff are situate in India (unfortunately Hotmail does not provide the 'headers' to confirm this). However, what is really disturbing is the fact that these emails were written by people who not only have difficulty in comprehending simple English, but who appear to be structurally illiterate, and their language is a parody of that which I recognise as English. Nevertheless, their meaning is absolutely clear: fuck off and don't bother dealing with the crooks at Amazon ever again.

Don't worry, Santosh and Vijay, I won't be dealing with you crooks at Amazon ever again.

Being a litigious curmudgeon at heart I did mention to the crooks at Amazon that they could retain my future custom and avoid receiving a writ under the 'small claims procedure' by simply refunding my £2.63 as a matter of goodwill. Unsurprisingly the crooks at Amazon were completely unfazed by the threat of legal proceedings, and now I know why - nowhere on their website do they provide one with an official address in the UK, so a writ cannot be served on them.

Undaunted, I have emailed the crooks at Amazon once more asking them to provide an address where I can have the writ served on them, but I bet I never hear another dickie-bird from them again, since it is quite clear that Amazon is run by crooks!

Incidentally, Santosh clearly believes that the crooks at Amazon are so safe from prosecution for their petty little frauds that he advised me to complain to the UK's 'National Criminal Intelligence Service' about them - as if NCIS has nothing better to do than drop their search for terrorists and major criminals but chase those crooks at Amazon for the £2.63 they misappropriated from me.

Never mind, Santosh, for I'll have the last laugh; those crooks at Amazon will never make another penny out of me, and the chances are that some of the others reading this might give their business to more honest and worthy recipients, like The Book Depository, rather than to all you crooks at Amazon.

I hope you think that this response was worth the £2.63 the crooks at Amazon bilked from me.

Regards to Revenant

2007-09-08T20:43:00.000Z

Hello Revenant, old friend, and apologies for having missed your two messages on my previous blog enty, but I have not visited here for awhile and I hope that you will not have been affronted by my apparent silence in relation to your comments.

As for your technical questions about RSS feeds and so on, I'm afraid that I am unable to advise you as I have encountered this technology too late in life to have mastered it.

BTW, during a recent system re-install I seem to have lost a number of my favourite bookmarks, including your excellent blog - not 'Hostile Scrutiny' (which is not to say that it is not excellent), but the other one - and forgive me for forgetting it's name due to my advancing senility. Should you ever drop back this way, perhaps you'd be kind enough to give me the link again.

All the best to you and your endevours.

The Old Git.

For Kelly

2007-08-09T19:05:00.000Z

Dear Kelly,

Thank you, dear child, for wondering about an old curmudgeon and asking your Dad if I was all right.

I am delighted to advise you that I am in rude good health and all the better for your kind enquiry.

I am also pleased to know that I have at least one other regular (non-geriatric) reader, but I apologise for not having had anything new to say recently.

Kind regards to you and yours.

The Old Git.

Gerry McCann Protests Too Much!

2007-07-25T19:43:00.000Z

According to the Daily Express today, that arrogant, whining, mendacious, duplicitous and remorseless creep, Gerry McCann, has been at it again by claiming during his freebie 4-day trip to the US that all the criticism of him and his wife Kate for abandoning their 3 tiny children whilst they went out boozing nightly with friends is misplaced.

This mendacious arrogant bastard said on ABC’s Good Morning America:

“We were dining 50 yards away and we could see the apartment from where we were. It’s like we were sat in our back garden, albeit at the end of our garden. The kids were sound asleep and they were being checked regularly. We didn’t think we needed a babysitter. We are good parents and what we did felt perfectly reasonable at the time.”

He was subsequently quizzed in a CNN interview about the possibility that the couple could be prosecuted for leaving three-year-old Madeleine and the younger twins Sean and Amelie alone, to which he had the temerity to respond:

“We have been assured by the authorities that what we did fell well within the boundaries of good parenting. Madeleine was targeted by a predator and we shouldn’t have to be worrying about people getting into our homes and gardens and playgrounds. That is the real criminal act here.”

"What we did fell well within the boundaries of good parenting", he claims. Really? Since when have child-care authorities endorsed leaving 3 tiny toddlers alone nightly in an unlocked apartment whilst their parents go out to a boozer some half a mile away in order to socialise with their drunken friends? Does an allegedly devout Roman Catholic have no personal integrity or accept responsibility for their own negligent and wrongful actions? Is this despicable man and his reprehensible wife inured to all blame?

Apparently so, since McCann added on his internet blog:

“We felt our actions were responsible. We were essentially performing our own baby listening service although we have talked of the guilt we felt at not being there at the moment Madeleine was taken.

Talked about the guilt they should have felt, perhaps, but then clearly absolved themselves of any of it, the arrogant, remorseless, deceitful bastards.

The only thing that the McCann's are haunted by is the thought that they might be prosecuted for child-neglect, which is why Gerry and Kate McCann protest too much.

What a reprehensible pair of shitheads Gerry and Kate McCann are.

If there is any justice in the world, hopefully Gerry and Kate will get their just desserts, unlike poor Maddie, who was entrusted to their care, but which they neglected to observe simply because it would intrude on their 'adult' boozing time with their drunken friends.

Never mind Maddie's abductor (and probable murderer), Gerry and Kate McCann should be prosecuted for their criminal actions, and the more that they refuse to accept responsibility for their negligence of their children, the more pressing is the need for the authorities to charge them, if only pour encourager les autres who might be encouraged by the McCanns willingness to neglect their own children in such an egregious way.

And, let's face it, had the Gerry and Kate McCann been anything other than a highly paid consultant cardiologist and a GP, respectively - perhaps a motor-mechanic and a checkout operative, for example - they would likely have been charged with neglect by now. But perhaps that explains why the McCanns choose to skulk off abroad rather than returning to their home in the UK and facing the opprobrium that they deserve.

Bastards!

Charge Them, The Bastards!

2007-07-22T16:25:00.000Z

Today's 'Sunday Express' claims that the parents of Madeleine McCann face an inquiry over the way they left their three children alone in a holiday apartment on the night she vanished.

According to the paper, the Crown Prosecution Service lawyers are having “informal discussions” to see whether any offence was committed. And in Portugal a campaign has begun in an attempt to see the couple jailed for neglect.

It is claimed that the 'Sunday Express' has learnt that sinister rumours on the internet and malicious allegations in the Portuguese press about the McCanns’ private life have provoked complaints to British police demanding that the couple be arrested.

The Express article continues:

An article last week in Portugal’s Sol magazine accused the McCanns and the other families in their holiday group of hiding behind a “pact of silence”. It said the McCanns’ friends had constantly altered their version of events and that they were a “very strange group that never stayed with their children”.

The accusations have triggered “high-level informal talks” among CPS lawyers about the conduct of Madeleine’s parents, who are both well-respected doctors.

Senior lawyers are considering whether an offence was committed under the 1933 Young Persons Act, which deals with ill-treatment, cruelty, neglect and abandonment of children under 16.

If charges were brought and the McCanns found guilty, they could face up to two years in jail.

Lawyers are also keen to establish why the McCanns did not leave anyone to babysit Madeleine and two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie despite the resort offering a free childminding service.

Apparently, yesterday Mr McCann said he and his wife were outraged by the cruel slurs which have forced him to take legal advice in case the CPS decides to prosecute.

Meanwhile McCann's swanning-off to the USA - at someone else's expense, no doubt - to discuss child protection issues with US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Hopefully Mr. Gonzales will tell McCann that little Maddie would never have been abducted if Gerry and Kate had not abandoned their children regularly whilst they went out boozing of an evening half a mile away in a bar.

However, it seems that few people with any connection to the McCann's are willing to speak the truth. For example, the family’s spokeswoman, Justine McGuinness, said:

“If they could turn back time there are things that they might have done differently, with the benefit of hindsight. But it is impossible to say whether, had there been an adult in the apartment at the time of the abduction, it would have stopped a predator."

Well here's some unwelcome news for you, Justine. If Gerry and Kate had not abandoned their 3 toddlers in an unlocked apartment whilst they went out boozing of an evening, the predator would not have had the opportunity to walk in and abduct little Maddie, so stop trying to divert genuine and proper criticism of the McCann's for their wantonly selfish neglect of the children they claim to love more than anything - well, except more than a night out with their boozy friends unencumbered by 3 small children, it would seem.

Of course that arch-hypocrite, Gerry McCann has said: “Kate and I find this type of criticism deeply hurtful and unhelpful. As each hour passes our pain and anguish increases."

Well, go and top yourselves, you bastards, but if you don't, I hope the authorities in both Portugal and the UK charge you for the crimes you committed against your children.

Postscipt: McCann claims in a BBC article that he's going to the US to...

"...to discuss the implementation of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act. After visiting the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre in London, I wanted to understand better the work that is being carried out across the world to reduce child abductions."

That only proves what an arch-hypocrite he is, for it is obvious to anyone that his behaviour was the direct cause of Maddie's abduction; had he and his wife not neglected their parental duties to her and her siblings by abandoning them, the abductor would not have been able to abduct her in the first place. All this swanning-around is just McCann's attempt to assuage his guilt - if he actually feels any, the arrogant sod - and to divert attention and criticism from himself and his wife for their criminal behaviour towards their children.

Here's Tae Us...

2007-07-21T07:28:00.001Z

...Wha's like us.
Damn few, and they're a' deid!

And with the news published today in The Daily Telegraph, I see that another old pal has left us.

So, here's to Charles Jauncey: a fine mind, a decent man, and a good friend.

Get Out Of Jail Free Card

2007-05-29T19:41:00.000Z

That's what Muriel Stewart, a 55 year-old Xtian, played to escape her 12 month imprisonment for defrauding several innocent people out of approximately £150,000. Her trick? She found some tame psychiatrist to tell the court that he 'believed jail would be "grossly detrimental" to her', according to the BBC.

Wasn't the trick cyclist aware that the recidivism rate in this country approaches 80%, so it is true to say that jail does absolutely nothing for most of those who are sent there? Perhaps old lags will now be contacting their tame psychiatrists for a similar 'expert' opinion in the hope that it will set them free too? Not to mention the endemic culture of drug taking, extortion, violence and sexual abuse that most inmates are subject to whilst incarcerated, but perhaps that doesn't count as being "grossly detrimental"?

Nevertheless, dear reader, should you ever come to the attention of the 'boys in blue', you might like to keep this nugget in mind and hope that your judge is as readily swayed by a daft psychiatrist to the point of letting you walk out of court almost scot-free.

Let's Not Mince Words

2007-05-08T19:39:00.000Z

Poor little Madeleine McCann has apparently been abducted, and probably sexually abused and murdered.

Yet these tragic (and horrendous) events happened because her parents, two well educated and well-off professionals, eschewed the child-minder service provided by the Club in which they were residing and left their 3 year-old daughter and her younger brother and sister alone in their locked apartment whilst they enjoyed themselves eating and drinking with friends several hundred metres away in a nearby restaurant.

Admittedly, it has been claimed on behalf of the McCanns that they disturbed their outing every every half-hour or so for one or other of them to return to their apartment to check that their 3 very small children had not come to any harm due to their parents' absence - as if that somehow makes their unconscionable wilful abandonment of these children intrinsically more acceptable in the first place, and somehow absolves the McCanns of any responsibility for the horrors that subsequently befell their little girl.

Whilst I must have some sympathy for the suffering subsequently endured by the two adult McCanns on discovering of their daughter's disappearance, my real sympathies must lie with the poor child who has been made to suffer horrendous abuse as a direct result of her parents' wilfully egregious and unconscionable behaviour.

I also note that the adult McCanns have been to the local church on at least two occasions to pray to their 'god' for the safe return of their poor child, but I hope that they also asked it to forgive them for their own appalling behaviour which resulted in her abduction and the subsequent horrors which she must have faced.

I realise that saying all this will be viewed with disapprobation in certain circles - already I have witnessed a stream of 'experts' of various kinds excusing the McCanns' behaviour in going out to enjoy themselves whilst abandoning their children - but having experienced a similar abandonment at around the same age, and still able to feel the emotions it engendered in me all these years later, I have little but contempt for Mr and Mrs McCann, though my heart bleeds for the suffering endured by their poor child.

Man cuts off penis in restaurant

2007-04-24T20:40:00.000Z

According to the BBC, a man entered a restaurant called Zizzi in London on Sunday night, and tried to enter the kitchens before he cut off his penis. He was subsequently restrained by Police, taken to hospital, but surgeons were unable to re-attach the organ in question.

I can offer some possible explanations for this bizarre behaviour...

1. He simply confused the name of the restaurant as a reference to the French argot for a penis, le zizi, but why he thought that he had to donate his to the chefs remains a mystery.

2. He was a Xtian, and simply following the exhortations of Jesus in Matthew 19:12...

...and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.

...and adopting the subsequent practices of devout Xtians ever since (anyone who wants to know more on this subject can do no better than read the paper The Practice of Self-Castration in Early Christianity by Dr. Matt Kuefler, of the Pacific School of Religion, which can be found here.)

3. He couldn't get gender reassignment surgery on the NHS.

4. He was a complete nutter.

There is a £5,ooo prize for the correct answer. Just telephone 0986 4328597 and state, 'one', 'two, 'three, or 'four', together with your full name, address, email and contact numbers: calls cost £1.50 per minute, and you agree that your private information can be sold to anyone and everyone without your knowledge.

Introducing the new President of France.

2007-04-22T22:07:00.000Z

Naturally it will be Segolene Royal, rather than Nicolas Sarkozy, because any red-blooded male would fancy shagging the former rather than the later. I mean, French women are so beautiful are they not (or so they tell us), and all the French news services have made much of Segolene's beauty, if not downright shaggability, and anyway it's a well-known fact that Sarkozy is the son of a Hungarian-Jewish immigrant, or some such Untermensch, and who would want to shag him anyway!

Hey, ho, whoever said that people get the politicians they deserve was right on the button.

Mind you, either of those drongoes is better than Le Pen: the question is, "By how much?"

Still, La France is such a sexist country that Segolene will have her work cut out by simply not deferring too much to the overblown male egos that surround her, and upon whom she will have to rely for her election - or should that be 'their erection'?

For the avoidance of doubt: 'deferring' does not necessarily mean 'bend over and let me enter you 'à la postillion', which is, after all, the preferred method of contraception in 'la Belle France'!

But what am I laughing about?

At the moment we've got Tony 'Baloney' B-liar, and following that, Gordie 'Joe Stalin' Brown.

What's that?' When's the next ferry to France?'

Faux Amis

2007-04-21T22:10:00.000Z

There are many problems associated with being a long-living geriatric, but one of them is that many of ones’ dearest friends have pre-deceased one.

Were I not fortunate in that my dearly loved and loving partner is still with me, I would more than likely be very lonely indeed.

I mean, just where can a geriatric go to meet new people and hope to strike up an acquaintanceship that might, hopefully, grow into something else?

The church is the first choice of many, but not for a sincere anti-theist and misoclere. Besides, I would rather be held illegally in solitary confinement by the US Government in Guantanamo Bay than mix with the delusional hypocrites and manipulative charlatans who claim to ‘believe’ in the non-existent entity which they grandiosely call ‘God’. Phoneys all of them, and far better to die alone and unmourned that to have those ghouls wail their false protestations over one’s demise, or to put up with their ersatz camaraderie during one’s last few breathing moments.

Also, the Derby and Joan Club is definitely out, for I might be geriatric in body, but I am not geriatric in mind, whilst most other social activities available to younger persons are out of my reach, if only by virtue of the harsh economics of living on the poverty line in Tony Blair’s New Britain.

And that‘s where the internet comes in so handy, for without so much as moving out of one’s living room, one can visit online ‘communities’, participate, build up a ‘rep’, strike up acquaintanceships, even be taken in by claims of ‘friendship’, and, for a brief moment, delude oneself that any of it accounts for something when actually the opposite is the case.

But still, they do say that there’s nothing like an old fool, and whilst I definitely qualify as ‘old’, I do not appreciate being taken for a ‘fool’, even when I have been misled by someone’s profession of ‘friendship’. I should have known better, however, when she, for it was a she, on her own admission started of by attempting to flirt with me. Perhaps she felt that my gentle remonstrations that I was not interested first sowed the seeds of resentment in her breast? After all, they do say that ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’, and whilst I had turned her down as gently as possible under the circumstances, who is to say how she perceived it?

Admittedly it did seem strange to me that my new, self-proclaimed friend responded by stressing her feminism, by which I am not referring to her no doubt delightful feminine characteristics, but her willingness to interpret the least offensive comment from me as somehow putting down women per se. And then, as if to emphasis her point that women were not only every bit as good as men, but positively better, she would boast about the fact that she had done a tough, physically demanding, red-necked man’s job for many years better than most men had. As if that proved anything of objective value whatsoever.

Still, the warning signs were there that all was not right in her world. And then came the admission that she had undergone psychotherapeutic counselling not that long ago, with the hints that perhaps I could also help her. Alarm bells should have been ringing between my ears by now, but, as ever, I was more concerned with the wish not to say something which would cause a fragile psyche even more distress, especially as these conversations were all conducted over the internet and I was unable to offer the appropriate medication to relieve her problems.

Inevitably, however, the rejection, resentment, envy and stress became too much for her. Subsequently, and with an outburst worthy of one of the Furies (actually she is probably a cross between Magaera and Alecto), she pounced on some unexceptional remarks I had made, blew them out of all proportion, and attempted to make me look as bad in the eyes of others as I had become in hers.

Fortunately, I discovered her sly, underhand little trick, and was able to expose her words for what they were: faux amis, just like she was.

Condolences on the death of a Decent Man.

2007-04-20T21:06:00.000Z

It was with deep regret that my wife and I noticed in our local paper that David Elliott had been found dead this week.

Our sincere condolences go out to his wife and three children.

In all our dealings with him, he impressed us both with his integrity, professionalism, and willingness to go out of his way to be helpful to others.

David Elliott seemed to be a genuinely decent human being at a time when there appears to be so few left.

He will be sadly missed by many, not least by us.

It is the custom in my family to recite the following at the time someone we respect dies, so without further ado we raise our glasses of uisge bheta to David Elliott:

Here's tae us, wha's like us?
Damn few, and they're a' deid!

Goodbye, and thank you for everything, even though these words will no longer have meaning for you.

A Fragile Ego.

2007-03-16T22:27:00.000Z

Recently, on the “God Is For Suckers” site, I was accused of “offensive mockery” for asking someone who had held themselves out as being knowledgeable on a specific subject to substantiate statements which they had presented as authoritative, but for which they had failed to provide any substantive evidence. Dear, dear, tsk, tsk.

What makes this accusation even more risible was not just the fact that my accuser had ignored my previous requests for him to substantiate his statements, but that he boasts of being the author of a “deeply blasphemous novel” and who claims to be “a writer who specializes in…making people angry with difficult truths,” according to his web-page.

All the more strange, therefore, that Mr Bradley neither considers nor cares that his own writings could be construed by Christians as “offensive mockery”, which makes me wonder if he really understands what he means by those words at all. I am also intrigued why he considers it is all right for him to "[specialise] in...making people angry with difficult truths" when he reacts in such a childish manner when someone questions his own Delphic pronouncements - particularly when he has been caught out by his questioner, and proven to be wrong.

I must also take issue with his statement on his web-page that, “[Atheists] should be saying that Jesus was a uncontroversial preacher with a god complex” (sic), when neither he, nor anyone else for that matter, has ever been able to produce any credible substantive evidence that this person whom he refers to as ‘Jesus’ ever existed. Until such time as this evidence is forthcoming, anyone with any intellectual integrity would no more accept Mr Bradley’s claims about ‘Jesus’ that they would accept those of the Pope himself.

Perhaps Mr Bradley will consider this post another example of “offensive mockery” - poor, self-absorbed, fragile thing that he is.

My more pragmatic friends would dismiss him as a 'sad fucker'.

Still, it amuses me to mention the incident, and to leave it to the reader to make up his own mind.

Microsoft Windows - Reinstall At Your Peril (without this work-around)!

2007-03-06T19:07:00.000Z

I have a totally legal, activated and paid for version of Windows XP Home, complete with SP2, which is unable to download any of the many (and substantial) critical security patches that Microsoft regularly issues unless one has first installed the 'Microsoft Verification Tool' to confirm that my operating system is totally and entirely kosher.

Much to my surprise, therefore, I encountered a problem when trying to reinstall it on my system. Actually, that is not quite true, it did reinstall, but the problems arose when I tried to activate it over the web. An ominous dialog box (yes, that's how the morons at Microsoft spell that word) opened to advise me that 'I had exceeded my re installation attempts, and that I'd have to telephone Microsoft (fortunately on a toll free number) to activate my product'.

So, I telephoned the number, and entered the 54 digit code which had appeared on my screen. Needless to say that I'd entered it correctly (I was able to check what I'd typed on my telephone handset) but the automated voice at the other end portentiously announced that there was an error in the figures which I had entered, and that I must wait to speak to a human operative!

In due course, such a person came online. The only problem was she was situate in the Indian sub-continent, and what linguists call 'first-language interference' made her speech almost incomprehensible. What's more, she seemed to have some difficulty in understanding my bog-standard English. Despite these difficulties, I eventually was made to understand that she was quizzing me as to why I wanted, or indeed needed, to activate my version of Windows -I should add that she had plugged the 54 digit number into her system by then, and it had told her that my version of her bosses' crap OS was legal. So, I told her, that I have 4 partitions on my hard-disk, and had installed Windows on all of them, jointly and severally, many times, as it were, for various reasons (which I explained). Eventually, I was given a 48 digit number to plug into my system, and voilà, Windows was activated.

Unfortunately, the install had gone wrong - a repair install had been performed rather than the required clean install, which necessitated yet another re-installation of Windows! Again the activation procedure required me to make a telephone call. Again the first language interference, but this time aggravated by an operative who must have been whispering into her headset. But when I asked her to speak up, she simply broke the connection! Fortunately, my third attempt to speak to a Microsoft operative resulted in me meeting 'Sven' a Norwegian working in their Indian call-centre (at least he could actually speak and comprehend English). Twenty minutes later, and Windows was activated!

There's a twist in this tale: for anyone who is interested Windows stores its activation details in two little files called 'Wpa.dbl' and 'Wpa.bak' (sans quotes), which can be found in My Computer>Local Disk(C:)>Windows>System32 folder. So, before a re install, copy these 2 little files to a floppy, or CD, and after the install copy them back into the same folder in the new installation. Windows will be perfectly content that its running on a legitimate, properly activated computer, and you will be spared the exasperation of speaking to an illiterate moron in some far-flung Windows call-centre!

Fuck Microsoft!

FAST it's NOT!

2007-02-27T19:27:00.000Z

Needs must,as they say, which is why I purchased a Microsoft Windows system 3 years ago when I decided that it was about time that I learned about this new-fangled technology before I 'pop my clogs'. However, my system has become so flaky and unreliable of late, that I have decided that the time is overdue for a clean reinstall. No problem, says Windows, just use our 'FAST wizard' to transfer all your files and settings to external media, reinstall Windows, then import your files and settings into the new clean installation. Sounds too good to be true, huh? Well, it is.

After five and a half hours the FAST wizard tells me that it has transferred everything except for the following list, and that I should please find these and transfer them manually (though no mention on what it the best method of doing so):

• C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\fidbox2.dat
• C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\fidbox.dat
• C:\Documents and Settings\Me\Local Settings\Temp\Perflib_Perfdata_fa0.dat
• C:\Documents and Settings\Me\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Windows\UsrClass.dat
• C:\Documents and Settings\Me\Application Data\Skype\Me\index2.dat
• C:\Documents and Settings\Me\NTUSER.DAT
• C:\Documents and Settings\NetworkService\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Windows\UsrClass.dat
• C:\Documents and Settings\NetworkService\NTUSER.DAT
• C:\Documents and Settings\LocalService\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Windows\UsrClass.dat
• C:\Documents and Settings\LocalService\NTUSER.DAT

Needless to say, running Start>Search and entering each of the file names produces NO results! Oh, but these are 'hidden' or 'system' folders, I hear you clever ones out there saying, you have to open the Tools>Folder Options>View menu and ensure that these can be selected! But why couldn't those clever people at Micro-fucking-soft say so in the first place.

So, not only is the Windows 'FAST Wizard' not fast it is not particularly helpful either - nor is it even good at it's job if it leaves some of the work down to the system user to sort out manually, and without further instruction.

In conclusion, I can envision having to go through two completely separate clean reinstalls - this first one using Microsoft's misnamed FAST wizard (which I suspect will fuck everything up) and a subsequent one, when I'll simple have to rebuild my whole system manually all by my unaided self.

I know this news will raise some grins amongst my friends out there who have been extolling the virtues of their Apple-Mac systems to me, but please spare your 'I told you so' retorts for another; pensioners who live well-under the official poverty line simply cannot afford your fancy systems!

PS: Windows now tells me that it cannot copy any of these files to the external storage 'because they are currently in use' - not that it matters, because their FAST Wizard would not be able to reinstall them automatically anyway, and I would be unable to do it manually as I wouldn't know where to put them. Thanks Mr. Gates, for a truly third-rate operating system - still, it's nice to know that some of the money I overpaid you for it is going to help less-deserving people.

I've Been Tagged...

2007-02-17T10:05:00.000Z

...by my friend, Stardust, to provide 5 quotes, so here they are...

"Nothing matters very much, and little matters at all." Balthus.

"He who speaks doesn't know; He who knows doesn't speak." Lao Tzu.

"[Truth] does not rely on letters and is transmitted outside scriptures." Gautama Buddha.

"It will pass." Ancient Sage.

"Millions bored by daily routine of work." Anonymous.

One Old Git Salutes Another

2007-02-16T10:41:00.000Z

I found a charming video report today on the BBC today about DIY TV, which included, inter alia, a report and video clip about Peter, a 79 year old geriatric, who has made hundreds of videos of himself and posted them on YouTube, where he can be found under the moniker 'geriatric1927'. So successful is Peter, that he has had over 4 million hits.

In his video interview with the BBC, Peter comes across as totally charming, and anyone who does not warm to him is a little short of human empathy, in my opinion.

Whilst I haven't yet watched any of his YouTube videos, they can be found here.

Addendum: I have just watched a couple of Peter's YouTube postings, and I tip my hat to him.

With respect, from one old git to another.

Alice Steps Through The Looking-Glass....

2007-02-11T19:02:00.000Z

According to the Polish Embassy in London, there are 500,000 to 600,00 Poles living in Britain, compared to our official Government estimate of 307,000. This makes Poles the third largest ethnic group living in Britain, after Pakistanis and Indians.

In an interview with 'The Times' yesterday, Barbara Tuge-Erecinska, the Polish Ambassador, said...

...there were now so many Polish children in British schools that they should teach Polish history and culture. Such a move would help Polish children to preserve their culture and language, and for British children to understand about their new classmates.

I've got a better idea, Ambassador Tuge-Erecinska: why don't you all fuck off back to Poland and take your stupid religion with you!

So Much For 'Security'...

2007-02-10T09:41:00.000Z

The Government is determined to force through a national ID database and ID cards for all. Both the database, and the cards, will contain a vast amount of personal and biometric information about the citizen, yet Tony's Cronies assure us that this information will be totally secure and not available to anyone who is not entitled to view it.

A shining example of the security employed by our lords and masters is the fact that, earlier this week, my wife and I received confidential information belonging to another pensioner in Tony Baloney's New Britain. The information was in the form of a letter from The Pension Service addressed correctly to this other poor pensioner, but attached to a letter correctly addressed to us, and it contained full details of her bank account, National Insurance number, and full name and address. In short, had we been of a nefarious bent, we had sufficient information to set-up a false identity, but even though we have no such intention, that other poor pensioner must feel totally violated and angry at this fucking incompetent action by one of our major Government agencies.

Naturally, and at our own expense, we immediately sent the other pensioner's letter to her, together with a covering letter of our own, advising her to complain the The Pension Service and the Data Protection Registrar, so I was interested to hear the Chief Executive of The Pension Service state on BBC TV news this morning that they would reimburse anyone who has suffered a financial loss through their negligent actions. Maybe I should send them a bill for the 32p postage costs for forwarding the other pensioner's letter?

And should anyone out there find this story incredible, just have a read of this; how they can claim that there were only 26,000 affected I don't know, but I think they've got a cheek asking us to telephone them at our cost to advise them of their mistake.

Yet still Tony's Cronies declaim that a National ID Register would be totally secure - well, maybe it would, if they didn't employ moronic cretins in the civil service, but why would they change their employment practices now?

Pot, Kettle, Black

2007-01-17T23:17:00.000Z

In an interview with the BBC, UK Government minister Peter Hain has today described the US government as the "most right-wing" in living memory.

"The problem for us as a government ... was actually to maintain a working relationship with what was the most right-wing American administration - if not ever, then in living memory".

Forgive me if I am wrong, Mr Hain, but is it not your ‘New Labour’ Government here in the UK that has introduced, or intends to introduce, the most draconian, invasive, and illiberal legislation ever seen in the world, such as the National DNA database of every citizen, the ID Card with biometric information such as fingerprints and irises, a black-box in every vehicle tracking every vehicle movement 24 hours a day, intercepting ALL electronic communications, a national computer database amalgamating all the information that any official and quasi-official department has on us and which will be available to all of them – not to mention the fact that we are currently the most surveilled nation on earth thanks to the plethora of CCTV cameras, number-plate recognition cameras, and the rest. If these are not the symbols of a right-wing crypto-fascist Government, I don’t know what are.

As Shami Chakrabati, the Director of Liberty, said 2 days ago in The Independent (where her whole comment can be read):

”Once upon a time, I thought that this Government was complacent about our personal privacy. Then I thought they were careless with it. Now, from those in power, I see nothing but contempt for that little bit of personal space and security that is so essential to our dignity, that makes us all human…

My problem as director of Liberty is that at the height of the so-called "war on terror", when absolute rules like the prohibition on torture are compromised by our political rulers, how much harder to defend more subtle and qualified rights like the presumption of privacy from the chilling slogan politics of "nothing to hide, nothing to fear".

Those who speak up for personal privacy are routinely painted as paranoid cranks and, sure enough, some of them don't do the cause any favours. In reality, most sensible people know that privacy cannot be absolute and support necessary and proportionate intrusions for tightly defined purposes and under protection of law. However, a society that doesn't value and protect the privacy of the individual is one without intimacy, honesty or trust. Government has taken us too far down that dangerous road.”

Seems to me that Peter Hain has either undergone an attack of selective amnesia, or else it is a case of pot calling the kettle black - or rather it would be, if only that madman and religious psychopath George Dubya Buffoon had had the temerity to do to his citizens what El Presidente B-liar’s lot have done to us.

Egyptians Rebuild Wall To Keep Dinosaurs Out!

2007-01-07T16:18:00.000Z

According to the Egypt State Information Service yesterday, Egyptian archaeologists have begun restoring the world's oldest wall made of mud bricks; the wall is 5,000-years old, and is based in the southern Egyptian governorate of Sohag. Presumably the Ancient Egyptians originally built this wall to keep out the dinosaurs which roamed the planet at that time?

What are you laughing at? Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia has dinosaur fossils on exhibit in their museum which they claim are dated a few thousand years old. What’s more, this stupendous claim was video-taped on October 23, 2006, when Richard Dawkins addressed the nearby Randolph-Macon Woman's College. Dawkins’ response was, "If it's really true, that the museum at Liberty University has dinosaur fossils which are labelled as being 3000 years old, then that is an educational disgrace. It is debauching the whole idea of a university, and I would strongly encourage any members of Liberty University who may be here [at Randolph-Macon for the lecture] to leave and go to a proper university."

The Debtor's Discharge.

2006-12-29T11:19:00.000Z

So today, some 6 decades on, we Britons have finally paid of our financial debts to the USA and Canada for the support they gave us over World War II, according to a report on the BBC.

One wonders how many decades it will take us to pay off the cost of Bush's spuriously named 'War On Terror' has caused us here in the UK?

To be fair, we cannot entirely blame Bush, or his pet sycophant Blair, since both claim that they were motivated by this mythical invention they call 'God' to wage their holy war on the infidels who do not share their geopolitical views.

Tell me, you two, what's the difference between you and Osama Bin Laden?

Tony Finally Cracks Up!

2006-12-13T20:15:00.000Z

Tony Blair finally demonstrated that his 'nervous breakdown' is complete, when earlier today he claimed during Prime Minister's Questions that ,"...for the first time the NHS is yet again the pride of the country."

Blair went on to provide yet more evidence of his detachment from reality when he said, "I believe that patient care is improving in this country.When we came to office there were literally hundreds of thousands of people that used to wait 12 months, or 18 months for their operations. We are now on course for an 18-week door-to-door, that's in and outpatients combined."

'On course for an 18-week door-to-door' are we, Tone? So why does my wife haveto wait 6 months for her MRR scan, and that's before being put on the waiting list for any operation that the scan shows to be necessary! (Oh, and incidentally, it took some 4 months to even be put on the waiting list for the scan.) Should an operation be necessary, it is likely to be at least 1 year off under the NHS, though the Consultants have indicated that they could do it tomorrow afternoon if we decided to go private.

Mind you, being pensioners in Tony Blair's Britain makes that totally impossible for us.

Never mind, Tone; with a bit of luck we'll die before we cost you any more money.

Hope the Iraquis and Afghanis appreciate you spending our money on them, but I doubt it.

Tony Gets It Wrong - Again!

2006-12-10T18:33:00.000Z

So, our Illustrious Leader, Saint Tony Blair, gave a landmark speech recently wherein he told people entering the UK that they must be prepared to be tolerant or not become part of society.

All well and good, Tone, except for the fact that many of those who have shown a reluctance to conform and a distinct lack of tolerance were actually born here.

I'm also interested in your suggestion that the treatment that Muslim women have meted out to them by their menfolk and their religious leaders is merely a 'cultural practice', and not a religious obligation laid down in the Qur'an, since this small fact seems to have been lost on the ignorant masses who claim otherwise. Perhaps it is no wonder that the Muslim Association of Britain called your speech 'alarming'?

The video recording of the Illustious One's full speech can be found here: Tony Tells It How It Is!

NB: It appears that the link doesn't work for some people, but the video can be accessed through this page.

Who Nicked Mine Then?

2006-12-04T00:01:00.000Z

Professor Rod Griffiths of the Faculty of Public Health has warned that that the lives of thousands of elderly people are at risk because they cannot afford to heat their homes. However, according to the BBC, a spokesman for the Department for Work and Pensions said pensioners' incomes were "higher than they have ever been". He said the government was "proud of its record in tackling pensioner poverty" and as a result of changes since 1997, average pensioner households were now £1,400 a year better off.

So who's nicked my whack then Tony?

And why have you so-called socialists not re-established the link between state pensions and average earnings, you thieving bastards?

Mind you, you're good at looking after yourselves, with another huge pay-rise on the horizon.

Greedy cunts, the lot of you!

Have you no shame?

Well-Known Sex Tourist Visits Singapore.

2006-11-16T09:29:00.000Z

Notice how this smarmy degenerate surrounds himself with little girls and that he can't keep his hands off them!

It is alleged that he lures them into his bedroom by telling them that he "wants to show them Jesus" but when they get there he says that they must first help with the resurrection.

If you see this man approach your daughters make sure you call the authorities and report him for crimes against public decency!

Don't Dare Criticise My Faith - Or Else!

2006-11-11T23:04:00.000Z

So, after a retrial, the BNP leaders were found 'Not Guilty' by a jury of 12 of their peers of using words or behaviour intending to stir up racial hatred for describing Islam as a 'wicked, vicious faith'.

No sooner had they done so, that Gordon Brown, that son of the dour Presbyterian Manse, and the UK's President Elect after the demise of 'The Shining One Who Is Tone' rushed to be interviewed. He announced that it was not satisfactory that people escape punishment who criticise the religion of others, and promised that he would toughen the law in this respect once he had donned the mantle of the departing Annointed One.

Not to be outdone, the Lord Chancellor Lord 'Poofy' Falconer (and, Yes, his friends during 'Yooni' days did apparently call him that), said Muslims were offended by these comments by the BNP leaders, and that they must be sure that the law would protect their religion from criticism, ridicule, or contempt.

Immediately, Home Secretary John 'I Used To Be A Drunk' Reid jumped on the bandwaggon and announced that he would consult with other cabinet ministers regarding bringing in even more draconian laws to inhibit our freedom to criticise and ridicule the unsubstantiated superstitious beliefs of the credulous and delusional people in our midst.

Religion, it seems, is beyond the pale. Though there is no credible evidence to substantiate the claims of believers, the rest of us are to be denied any opportunity to point this out.

Watch out, Professor Dawkins, they'll have you in the dock next - along with every other non-delusional person with the intellectual integrity to stand up to this madness that demands the suspension of reality and that we treat 'sanctioned' superstitions as beyond any criticism.

Another thing, though I hate to agree with the BNP about anything, anyone who has taken the trouble to actually read the Qur'an and Hadith has to agree that Islam is a wicked vicious faith - unless, of course, one sanctions the beating of women who do not obey their husbands, the denial of freedom and education to women, the denial of equal rights to women, the exhortation to kill all unbelievers and apostates, the commands to ignore any laws but God's laws and hence the denial of democracy etc., etc.

And one final thought: just for stating the foregoing, I am risking a fatwa being put on me ordering my death.

Is that the reason why our mealy-mouthed politicians are manifestly so frightened to stand up to Muslims?

And this only a day after Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller, Head of MI5, claimed that they knew of 30 home-grown terror plots and that they were keeping 1,600 Muslims under surveillance for suspected terrorist offences - and that the threat these people pose is "serious and growing"!

Specially For Anders

2006-10-27T06:47:00.000Z

Your kindness and generosity are very much appreciated, even though I have not taken advantage of them. Nevertheless, I wanted you to know how touched I was by your offer, and to thank you personally for making it.

Wishing you all the best to you and yours.

Bush Answers Iraq War Critics

2006-10-25T22:13:00.000Z

I Can't Believe It...

2006-10-22T17:44:00.000Z

Yours truly finally won a poker tournament.

And the prize?

A seat in another tournament!

LOL.

Economics At Work - Brains Redundant!

2006-10-20T09:35:00.000Z

Apparently Douglas Alexander, the Transport Secretary, has has asked the Highways Agency to identify a suitable section of the 4,800-mile strategic road network in the UK for a congestion-charging trial prior to the introduction of the national scheme around 2015. According to a study published by the Department for Transport in 2004, 'congestion charging' on motorways and A-roads would reduce road traffic by 34 per cent if charges of up to £1.34 a mile were introduced.

Here's an even easier option for you, Douglas: charge us £1,000 per mile on all roads and you can reduce road traffic by 99.99%!

What's more, this enforced 'stay at home' policy will make it easier for your pals in law-enforcement to keep track of us all, since the only people on the roads will be crooks making a fast getaway from the scene of their crimes - oh, and government ministers being chauffeured around in their large limos that we're paying for.

Mind you, what's road charging going to do to the cost of goods and services, since 99% of the necessary material is delivered by road?

Not that I should worry, since if I live long enough I'll have one of those 'free national bus-passes' that our Tone promised for pensioners, lol.

Thio=Ena

2006-10-19T18:15:00.000Z

Tomorrow two becomes one, and whilst each of the two contains in itself all the ten thousand things, the Way, or oneness, encompasses all that has been and will be in the eternal suchness of the moment, which is now.

Those to whom this is addressed will understand; those to whom this is not addressed do not matter.

Slainthe Mha.

'Web-Rage' - What Next?

2006-10-18T08:33:00.000Z

It's bad enough having to avoid Muslims who want to murder anyone who criticises their religion, but now we've got criminal psychopaths like Paul Gibbons to contend with. "Who is he," you ask? Well, he is the person who was convicted yesterday of Britain's first 'web-rage' attack, according to police, and the reason why they have warned us to protect our real identities online.

Those who are interested in this nutter's vicious attack on a fellow chat-room user can find the story here.

In the meantime I would like to make it clear that there is not connection between this blog and Harold MacNamarra of 43 Abercrombie Road, Glasgow GL14 3DY, so if you have been offended by anything here please do not visit it upon him.

Microsoft Sucks!

2006-10-16T22:16:00.000Z

Now don’t laugh, it’s true!

And here’s why…

I run Windows XP with SP2 and all the critical patches (all 294.32Mb of them) installed, plus I have their ‘Automatic Updates’ feature configured to d/l on a daily basis. On 10 October this ‘feature’ advised me that it had downloaded 15 critical patches for me to install in order to ‘fully protect my system’, but when I chose to install them the first one failed, though the remaining 14 installed OK.

After the requisite reboot, I then went through M/soft’s ‘Update Troubleshooter’; first I visited my ‘Update History’ page and obtained the ‘error code’ pertaining to the patch which had failed to install, then, as instructed, I tried to look that code up in their ‘Knowledge Base’. Resulting message: ‘error code not known’. So here I was, looking at two Microsoft web pages, the first which tells me that a critical patch had failed to install and that the error code for this was ‘OxBC2’ and the second which tells me that this error code does not exist!

I then spend some hours working my way through hundreds of their useless troubleshooting guides, users' fora, FAQs etc, but get absolutely nowhere. Finally, I am kindly allowed to contact them for a ‘free response’ to resolve my inability to install one of their critical updates. So, I spend 15 to 20 minutes writing a detailed report to them asking for their help to install this critical patch and, inter alia, (a) specifying the problem, (b) what I have tried to do to resolve it, and (c) full details of my system and the software installed on it.

Today I have received a reply from their ‘Technical Support Engineer’ (who goes by the name of ‘Devashish’). Devashish proceeds to ask me to confirm that my email address is the one he has written to, and then continues by asking me to reiterate all the information that I have already been at some pains to give him – it’s as if he hasn’t bothered to read a single fucking word of anything I have written! (The sad truth is, he probably hasn’t.)

Nevertheless, I have restrained the urge to tell this ignorant fucking techie to ‘read the detailed report I have already sent as it answers all of your stupid questions’, but I have allowed my natural good-manners and urbanity to prevail. Consequently, I have simply answered all his un-necessary questions in words of no more than one syllable, but what’s the betting that the ignorant bastard cannot come up with the correct solution. So, instead of telling me that Microsoft’s products are a load of shit, he’ll blame it on some abstruse feature of my hardware or the A-V or A-H software installed on my system (even though it is M/soft certified).

Any wonder that I going over to Linux as soon as I can get my modem configured to work with it!

BTW, I know that at least one of my regular readers is a Mac aficionado, so he’ll merely laugh at this tale with that superior yet deprecating sort of way that all those who are not reliant on this Windows shit have; lucky man to be free of Bill Gates!

Shock, Horror: Military Chief Speaks Truth!

2006-10-13T08:15:00.000Z

In a blistering attack on Tony Blair's foreign policy last night, General Sir Richard Dannatt, Chief of theGeneral Staff, (i.e. head of the army), said the continuing British military presence in Iraq was jeopardising our security and interests around the world.

Such an outspoken intervention by a British army chief is unprecedented in modern times and bound to increase pressure on the government to arrange for General Dannatt to have a fatal accident, or perhaps even 'commit suicide' like that other prominent figure who had 'blown the whistle' recently. Or maybe they'll just have him certified as being mad - he is, after all, a devout Christian!

Those who are interested can read more in the Guardian's report here.

"Britain Is A Good Place To Be Muslim"

2006-10-11T10:36:00.000Z

Or so said Ruth Kelly, the government's 'communities secretary' earlier today.

The Imam, Mufti Ebrahim Desai agrees: "In fact, [Muslims] enjoy many more religious freedoms in [the UK] than in some of the so-called Muslim countries.”

Well I've got some news for you, Ms Kelly. Britain would be a better place for Muslims, as well as for the rest of us, if they were more forthcoming in their condemnation of the atrocities and abuse heaped on non-believers by many followers of their religion. So, instead of listening to their continual bleating about how hard done by they are in this country, do something more positive to earn that massive salary we are paying you and stop coming out with mealy-mouthed platitudes in place of positive action.

Get Your Own Back on Royal Mail!

2006-10-11T10:07:00.000Z

This week the Royal Mail said that it would stop its self-imposed ban on delivering more than 3 non-addressed pieces of junk-mail per week to households. It claims that it needs to increase the amount of non-addressed junk-mail it delivers in order to increase its revenue, and that if they didn't deliver all this crap that another mail-carrier would do so.

This morning Royal Mail thrust 7 pieces of non-addressed junk mail through my letter box (incidentally, non-addressed mail is about the only mail that RM delivers to the correct address!).

So, here's how to deal with this deluger of crap...

Don't open any of it.
Let it pile up until you have a huge bundle.
Take the bundle of crap-mail to the nearest RM post box.
Dump all this crap-mail back into the post box!

Result, RM has to empty the post box and is faced with the cost and inconveninece of sorting and disposing of all that crap non-addressed junk-mail!

Serves them fucking right!

Respect Your Religion? Not On My Life!

2006-10-11T09:39:00.000Z

This man is a Muslim, and he wants you to respect him simply because he has a particular set of unsubstaniated beliefs that neither stand up to rational scrutiny nor logical analysis. However, what makes this man particularly dangerous is that he considers that pointing these facts out constitute a 'slander' on Islam, and he exhorts his fellow believers to butcher those who speak out against what he stands for.

Actually, there are other factors which makes this man particularly dangerous: the silent approbation with which his murderous exhortation is met by the majority of his Muslim bretheren, and the abject failure of the authorities to deal with him and his criminal activities.

Yet still the apologists and believers tell us that 'Islam is a religion of peace'!

I think not!

PS: Another take on this point can be found here.

Geoff Moron Visits Crete...

2006-10-10T19:15:00.000Z

Q: What do you call a guy who thinks that France 'looks just like Britain'?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call someone who fits SatNav equipment to his vehicle and then proceeds to get lost regularly on a simple drive through France on autoroutes?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who can't follow internationally standardised road signs without getting lost regularly?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who complains he can't do a U-turn on motorways when he gets lost?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who tries to rob his friend and business partner of 20 years?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who complains when his friend and business partner complain about his intention to rob them?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who doesn't take the trouble to learn the laws and language of the country he is investing in?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who sets up a business he has no training in or knowledge of?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call the guy who bleats that it wasn't his fault when it all goes pear-shaped?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who is a complete Fuckwit?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who is so stupid that he states all this on his blog but thinks it makes other people look stupid?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who thinks that simply visiting his former blog earns him CPMs on Google and earns him money?

A: Geoff Moron!

QA: What do you call a guy who tacitly admits he is stealing revenue due to the new owners of his former site?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: What do you call a guy who has the hubris to think that this blog was set up to criticise him?

A: Geoff Moron!

Q: Where is Geoff Moron now?

A: Back under the slimy stone from whence he first crawled, no doubt!

PS: More on Geoff (it's a pun, Geoff, if you know what that is) can be found here.

Is This Equality?

2006-10-09T21:56:00.000Z

According to Hadith 2562, Muslim men who are admitted to Paradise (Jannah) will be rewarded with a minimum of 72 wives and 80,000 servants - but what will the women be rewarded with (not to mention the poor servants)?

That same document tells us that this horde will be encompassed in only one tent, though admittedly it is a big one, and that no difficulty or tiredness will ever afflict the inhabitants- unless they are one of the 80,000 poor drudges who have to jump to every whim of 72 dissatisfied wives and one harassed man, presumably!

Were suicide bombers and other fanatical zealots not using this crap as an excuse to butcher innocent kafirs - that's you and me, BTW - it would be laughable.

Still, if the madmen don't get you, then the government will, as it is a heinous offence to upset the poor dears that believe in this nonsense.

Even the Pope had to apologise (not)!

I say again, is this equality?

Normal Service Has Been Resumed...

2006-10-09T18:33:00.000Z

The title says it all, really.

No ads.

Appearance back to how it should be.

It's just the contents that are crap.

But then you're not forced to read it!

LOL.

Goodbye & Good Riddance!

2006-10-09T14:07:00.000Z

There has been some criticism recently about advertising appearing on my blog. Economic necessity drove me to it, but suffice to say that my critic was right - advertising is generally tacky and always intrusive. So much so that I even use an ad-blocker which spares me most of the annoyances caused by these damn things. But is this a good enough reason to remove ads from my site? The answer is a resounding, if regrettable, NO!

Of more import, however, is the criticism of the type of ads which Adsense inserts into one's site, as they are totally inappropriate for the point that one is making. This issue has been explained far better that I could have in this post. But is this a good enough reason to remove ads from my site? The answer is a resounding, if regrettable, YES!

Now I realise that there will be those of you who will point out that I was foolish to expect better from Google's ad-bot - and you would be correct if you did so - but at last I am taking steps to rectify matters. So, I have removed Google's Adsense code from my template and from now on this blog will be ad-free; Goodbye Adsense and Good Riddance!

PS: The sharp-eyed amongst you will note that my pages no longer display the same as I have encountered a glitch in removing the horrid code, but I am working on it and hope to have my blog back to normal, pre-Adsense, very soon.

Prescott Supports Wearing The Veil.

2006-10-08T21:49:00.000Z

In a surprising outburst John Prescott (see picture) managed to string a grammatically correct sentence together and supported the wearing of veils or masks.

His other comments were inaudible due to the muffling effect of his mode of dress - or perhaps he was just playing with himself, but without being able to see his face it was hard to tell.

Mind you, one has to admit that a burka improves Prescott's looks immeasurably!

Let The Crusade Begin...

2006-10-08T08:55:00.000Z

...Well, that's how vested interests in the Muslim community will portray it, now that Guy Wilkinson, the Interfaith Advisor to the Archbishop of Canterbury, has produced a report arguing that the effort invested in trying to integrate Muslims since the London bombings has had no positive impact on community relations and that Ruth Kelly's controversial Commission on Cohesion and Integration seems doomed to fail. Wilkinson also claims that divisions between communities have been deepened by the Government's schizophrenic"approach to tackling multiculturalism. While trying to encourage interfaith relations, it has actually given privileged attention to the Islamic faith and Muslim communities. Naturally he demands a greater role for the Church of England in resolving this mess, as they are the dominant faith in the UK. Wilkinson who was an archdeacon in Bradford during the riots of 2001, also says that the Government is wrong to see faith as the cause of a divided society. Bet the Muslims don't see it that way.

(Idiots ) Brits Abroad

2006-10-07T22:53:00.000Z

Whoever said that the Brits who emigrate to sunnier climes are idiots must have had Geoff in mind. “Who is Geoff?” I hear you say. Well, he is the idiot who thinks that France doesn’t “…look much different to the UK, but on reflection I realise now that there wasn't any reason why it would do.” Quite! He also decided that France was “…not going to be one of my favourite places for a couple of reasons. 1. There are continuous barriers down the middle of the roads so if a wrong turning is made the chances of turning around are next to nothing and to add insult to injury if you do manage to turn round by way of a toll booth, you pay both ways! 2. The roads are not much cop and in need of some serious work in places.” Mind you, what would one expect from an ignorant Welshman who has never left the safety of his backward and introverted little valley before! (If sheep-shagging was a sport, the Welsh would be Olympic Champions!)

Anyway, Geoff and ‘Barry’ his friend and business partner of 20 years eventually reach Crete, where they hope to run a restaurant – incidentally, neither of them had any training as restaurateurs, but then when you are setting off for a foreign clime visited by thousands of other stupid Brits each year for holidays it is a well-known fact that you need absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to run a bar or restaurant there provided you sell ‘English Breakfasts’ all day and Watney’s Red Label pish - sorry, beer!

Before they reached their destination, however, they had already fallen out. Reason: Geoff expected his family to be able to visit and eat in their restaurant for free, but Barry had the temerity to demur – as would the Cretan Tax Inspector in due course, since the feeding of one’s family in a commercial operation is considered to be a non-allowable diminution of taxable profits in all mature fiscal regimes (In other words, Geoff, you muttonhead, why didn’t you check this fact with your UK Tax Inspector first!).

The story becomes even more ridiculous, but is unfolding slowly on Geoff’s blog which can be found here at Geoff Moron's Blog , although the outcome will be no surprise to you: Geoff’s enterprise fails abysmally, but he blames everyone else except his own stupid self!

What a surprise.

PS: More information about Geoff Moron can be found here.

Respect My Crazy Beliefs!

2006-10-07T19:51:00.000Z

There have been predictably hostile reactions to Jack Straw’s article in the ‘Lancashire Telegraph’ where he suggested that the wearing of the naqib or burka was “…such a visible statement of separation and of difference [that it makes] positive relations between the [Muslim and non-Muslim] communities more difficult.”

Not only were these reactions hostile, but they were all based on false premises, spurious reasoning, and sophistry.

In broad terms, the objections to Straw’s remarks can be considered under one of the following categories:-

1.He has no right to ‘demand’ that constituents remove any article of clothing, and that to do so was at best insensitive and at worst an abuse of power.

2.The wearing of these masks is adopted for religious reasons and that Straw, or anyone else for that matter, has no right to interfere in the practise of one’s religion.

3.His remarks are evidence of yet more institutionalised Western Islamophobia and racism.

4.His remarks demonstrate a lack of tolerance on his part as well as on the part of the majority who appear to support him.

5. His remarks are disrespectful.

I will respond to these objections sequentially:-

Straw did not ‘demand’ anything, and to accuse him of such is deliberately distorting his language.

Accusing Straw of an ‘abuse of power’ is equally spurious.

To accuse someone of ‘insensitivity’ who finds it disconcerting to be addressed by someone wearing a mask or disguise is risible in the extreme, and the only insensitivity involved here is that shown by the mask-wearers and their apologists.

Why we should show any respect for religiously imposed forms of dress is a moot point, but in any event there is no requirement in the Qur’an that women wear the haqib or burka, and these modes of dress are adopted by only some 5% of female Muslims world-wide, and many of those do so under compulsion from their men-folk. In short, only an insignificant minority of all Muslim women adopt this form of dress by choice. Therefore, it is clearly not a religious requirement to wear these masks and it is spurious for anyone to claim that it is.

To say that one has no right to interfere with another person’s religious practises is clearly ridiculous, and those who maintain otherwise will no doubt have us teach ‘creationism’ or ‘intelligent design’ in schools and universities in place of genuine science. What will be allowed next: Mormon polygamy; Aztec sacrifices; Voodoo?

Since Muslims are not a race, only the intellectually dishonest can accuse Straw or his supporters of ‘racism’.

There are many Muslims with such little self-esteem and even less rationality who view any questioning of their faith as ‘Islamophobia’. There are some, however, who use the term simply as a synonym for any one who supports Israel. And then there are the others who simply use the word without any clear idea of what they mean by it. None of these usages merit serious consideration and they require no further response.

Those who accuse Straw, and hence the majority of the British public, of lack of toleration use that word without giving much consideration to what it means.

According to the OED, toleration means, “The action or practice of tolerating; toleration; the disposition to be patient with or indulgent to the opinions or practices of others; freedom from bigotry or undue severity in judging the conduct of others; forbearance; catholicity of spirit,” whilst Chambers gives it as, “act of tolerating: allowance of that which is not approved: liberty given to a minority to hold or express their own political or religious opinions.”

Now, given that the latest UK Census (2001) shows that there are only 1.5 million Muslims in the UK (of whom only 60,000 are British Muslims), whereas there are 8.6 million atheists and 41 million Christians, Muslims are very much in the minority here. However, they are not only given de facto freedom to pursue their religion, their rights to do so are actually protected under our legislation.

Nevertheless, that is not to say that adherents of any religion can do whatever they want in the name of that religion, particularly when certain of their practices are considered to be unacceptable to the majority of the greater society in which they take place.

Furthermore, it has been established that the wearing of the naqib or burka is not a religious requirement for a devout Muslim woman, but that it is only a cultural requirement in a minority of cases, the sole purpose of which is to isolate, subjugate and dominate women. These same men who treat their women in this way also tend to deny them any form of individual freedom or opportunity to pursue an education or career – they even deny women the same rights under their ‘religious’ laws that men enjoy, whilst piously declaiming that the Qur’an states that they are both equal in Allah’s eyes, whilst conveniently forgetting the Suras which state otherwise.

It is clear from this synopsis that asking someone who confronts one but who is hiding behind a mask (for whatever reason), to remove it if they will, which is what Straw has done, is not a sign of intolerance at all and to suggest otherwise is pure sophistry.

In conclusion, if Muslims want respect, then they should show that quality to those whom they demand it from and be willing to enter into rational and honest discourse instead of uttering ad hominem attacks, and making and carrying out threats to those who question their practices. As for those Muslim men who are using their medieval practices as an excuse for their appalling treatment of their women, they do not deserve the respect of any fair-minded person.

Oliver 'Lightweight' Letwin

2006-10-06T08:20:00.000Z

So Oliver Letwin has stepped forward to add his voice to that of the duplicitous, mendacious and just plain loonie who have criticised Jack Straw for asking Muslim women to remove their face veil whilst speaking to him. And just like all of those who wish to defend the indefensible, Mr Letwin uses spurious and irrelevant arguments to justify his pathetic mealy-mouthed stance. He said,"If a person is making a statement about how they want to dress, I think it's pretty important we live in a country where you're allowed to do that." So, Mr Letwin, why why have you never stood up for the rights of male heterosexual transvestites to dress 'en femme' in public and why have you not criticised the Police for arresting them simply for dressing that way? And what have you ever said to the neighbours of these harmless people who heap disapprobation or worse on them? In a word: Fuck-all!

You are just another mealy-mouthed, mendacious, duplicitous self-seeking politician who wants to 'suck-up' to the Muslim vote, and it is people like you who have encouraged them to demand special treatment that inculcates their separateness and unwillingness to live in a secular society where their religious views are not treated as paramount.

I've never had much time for Jack Straw - who up until now has always lived up to his surname, as far as I was concerned - but I have even less time for the opportunist mealy-mouthed snake-oil salesmen like you.

Yet Another Xtian Loonie Speaks Out...

2006-10-05T22:48:00.000Z

This is the face of David Clutterbuck, a 71 year old Conservative Councillor at Bournemouth Borough Council. Mr Clutterbuck told the BBC, "I'm not a practising Christian but I have really strong Christian views. I believe in the law of Moses. I'm not a religious fanatic. As long as [homosexuals] do it behind closed doors, I don't mind, but now they control the media, the television. They have much stronger control over this country than they should have."

Personally I'd rather have a well-blanced gay athiest in charge of this country that a psychopathic loonie like Mr Clutterbuck who believes in a fantasy book of fairy tales called the bible and a make-believe invention called god.

Mr Clutterbuck justifies his scurrilous opinions with the arrogant, and misplaced, claim, "I've said before, I've more experience of life, of business in my little fingertips than the people who are making complaints [about me]."

Frankly, it is religious people of all persuasions who have "much stronger control over this country than they should have", Mr Clutterbuck, and you are a fine exemplar that proves my point.

Well Said, Jack!

2006-10-05T18:45:00.000Z

Jack Straw, I salute you - and that's saying something, for up to today I've never had much time for you or any of your pronouncements. But today, well, today you stood up and said something that really needs to be said, and the sooner it is admitted and accepted by the remainder of your mealy-mouthed colleagues in Westminster the better.

Deliberately hiding the lower part of the face is "a visible statement of separation and of difference" and asking Muslim women to accept our social customs and mores when addressing us is not "to selectively discriminate on the basis of religion," as the Islamic Human Rights Commission chairman Massoud Shadjareh claims it is.

Furthermore, that attack on you by Halima Hussain, from so-called civil liberties group the Muslim Public Affairs Committee, is equally misplace and so thoroughly trivial in its nature that it is not worthy of a considered response. She said, "Who is Jack Straw to comment on negative symbols within a religion that is not his own? The point is these women have chosen to wear the veil and it's their own decision. These are not oppressed women. I don't think he's right to say this at all." Suffice to say that you did not criticise the religion of these people, nor did you suggest that they were oppressed, you simply requested that they show you the the same common courtesies that any of the rest of us are expected to show, and the fact that these influential Muslim spokespersons attack you for requesting this shows that you are absolutely correct in your conclusion: much of their behaviour is de facto "a visible statement of separation and of difference".

After all, no less a person than Dr Daud Abdullah of the Muslim Council of Britain admitted that Muslim women can remove their face veil when it causes discomfort to others.

I only hope that you have the courage to continue with your stand, even if that means losing the votes of a considerable percentage of your Muslim constituents, as it is the failure of our politicians to confront issues such as this which has simply encouraged many Muslims in this country to demand all sorts of extraordinary concessions, such as the introduction of so-called Sharia Law into Britain (NB: It is interesting that none of those making this particular demand indicate which version of Sharia they wish us to adopt, don't you think?).

So, continue to make a stand, Mr Straw, and I for one will continue to applaud you! I will not be alone, either.

PS. Those who actually want to read Jack Straw's article, rather than rely on distorted and mendacious interpretations of it, can find it here in full.

Congressman Mark Foley Is Not A Paedophile...

2006-10-04T22:12:00.000Z

Despite being sexually molested as a child by a Catholic Priest and a ship's Purser I have never sent suggestive sexual messages to young men who worked for me. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that I am not gay, as Congressman Mark Foley claims to be, but neither have any of my gay friends indulged in such dubious practises either. Then perhaps it was the alcoholism that made him do it, hmmm? Strangely enough, none of my alcoholic friends - either gay or straight - have committed such peccadilloes either. What then made Mr Foley do it? Could it be that he is simply a paedophile, perhaps? Not according to his lawyer, David Roth, who said, "Any suggestion that Mark Foley is a paedophile is false, categorically false."

So what is he then? Apart from just another cheap abuser who thought that his mantle of power would protect him from righteous criticism?

And now that he his questionable conduct has been brought to light, though not to book, he thinks that he can run off to some expensive private clinic where the shrinks will say anything he pays them to - rather like his lawyer - and claim exculpation on the spurious grounds that he was abused as a child, is gay, and an alcoholic - as if any of these circumstances excuse his behaviour!

Of course it may be that Mr Foley is not guilty of any lawbreaking. After all, what is wrong with inviting under-age boys to one's home and plying them with alcohol? Don't all drunks do this?

Perhaps that was why that fellow former drunk George Dubya said that he was disgusted at Mr Foley's actions, and it may explain why gave up the demon drink and became a Born Again Buffoon?

It Never Ceases To Amaze Me...

2006-10-04T08:24:00.000Z

...When there is a report of some 'new' phenomenon that one has known to exist for years but which some so-called authority is now purveying as a 'great discovery' or 'breakthrough research' or somesuch nonsense.

The latest perpetrator of this is The Times and their Countryside Editor who report today that, "Blackbirds changed their diet this summer with tadpoles and newts emerging as their dish of the day...The new eating patterns were spotted by scores of people who took part in Garden BirdWatch. The British Trust for Ornithologists, which collates the sightings, blames the trend on the hot summer."

Well I have some news for these people: the blackbirds and thrushes which inhabit my garden have been doing this ever since I installed my ponds some 8 years ago, and this year they were joined by robins, dunnocks, starlings and collared doves.

And another thing: these same birds collectively eat the 2 kilos of porage oats a week I put out for them, so it seems that they know all about the benefits of combining protein and carbohydrate.

Now isn't that amazing, LOL.

The Sun Catches Up On Old News!

2006-10-03T18:33:00.000Z

The is a piccie of The Sun's front page for today, and their main headline says it all: "Lunatic Gets Into No10" - unfortunately they are about 9 years too late in reporting that fact!

When a Bigot is not a Bigot!

2006-10-02T09:23:00.000Z

According to the former Lord Chancellor, Lord Mackay, discriminating on the grounds of race is pure bigotry but discrimination against homosexuality is not!

Presumably he would have us treat black homosexuals different to white ones? Hmmm.

'Waste Man ' v. 'Waste of Space' Man

2006-10-01T19:10:00.000Z

I went to see Anthony Gormley's 85 foot statue called 'Waste Man' yesterday (30th September) just before it was scheduled to be burned down. It was really impressive, and far superior to his 'Angel of the North'.

However, the incident that I found most diverting during my visit to Margate was the man in the yellow tracksuit in the yellow-painted house round the corner who was busy filling all his 6 windows with christmas decorations, and had already festooned the exterior of his property with christmas lights, inflatable Santa Clauses, reindeers, 'Merry Xmas' signs and the like. Additionally, he had installed some infernal machinery that constantly blasted christmas jingles at considerable volume to the public at large.

This guy's performance was so bizarre that people going to and on their way back from Gormley's sculpture were stopping to watch him - a fact that he was clearly not unaware of. Some even took photographs of his demented handiwork, but all were incredulous that this moron would dress his house up for christmas almost 3 months before it fell due. Much sympathy was expressed in the crowd for his neighbours (his house was in the middle of a terrace or residential properties), as the constantly flashing lights and belting christmas 'musak' would surely drive them all mad over the ensuing months.

Mind you, in all fairness it has to be admitted that the residents of Margate are not altogether normal at the best of times.

Amazing: Al Quaeda Speaks the Truth - Occasionally!

2006-09-29T23:36:00.000Z

Al Quaeda speaks the truth when it calls George W Bush a "liar" and a "lying failure". According to the BBC . These remarks were made on a video published on the web. The spokesperson is Al Qaueda's number two, Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Unfortunately al-Zawahiri then spoils his credibility by going on by calling Pope Benedict XVI a "charlatan" because of his remarks on Islam. His reasons for doing so: "This charlatan accused Islam of being incompatible with rationality while forgetting that his own Christianity is unacceptable to a sensible mind." True as far as it goes, but then he forgot to add that only a irrational psychopath would give any credibility to Islam.

All religious beliefs are for idiots, morons, psychopaths and irrational buffoons.

Just because you can tell that Bush and Benedict are liars doesn't mean that your own fantasies are real!

Bet You've Never Been In Combat, Mr Willis!

2006-09-29T23:17:00.000Z

Lib Dem MP Phil Willis, chair of the Commons' science and technology committee, told BBC News that troops must not be given drugs not fully licensed for UK civilian use. Quote: "Our soldiers are going into battle in both Afghanistan and in Iraq. They're risking their lives on a daily basis. The last thing we should be doing is actually treating them with any drug which may not in fact be fully licensed to be used on civilians in the UK." Willis added, "If you shouldn't be using it through Nice [National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence] in the UK, you shouldn't be using it on the battlefield in Iraq."

The Ministry of Defence says it authorised the use of blood-clotting drug NovoSeven only after an extensive review of the current evidence. It added the drug had only been used twice and only in order to save lives. An MoD spokesman said the treatment had been administered twice in separate incidents in Iraq. "On both occasions the individuals' lives were almost certainly saved by the treatment. The NHS also recognises the benefits of this treatment in similar circumstances - and has advised us that UK hospitals have also used the drug to treat severe trauma patients."

Just another case of an MP sounding-off on a subject he knows next to nothing about.

Having seen umpteen mates with dying through massive haemorrhages, I know that they wouldn't have cared a damn if the drugs used on them hadn't been licensed - as long as their chances of survival were increased.

Maybe I should shoot Mr Willis through the femoral artery with a 0.303 bullet (as it was in my day) then tell him that I can't administer the drug that could save his life because some committee hasn't approved it?

Have you ever seen guys die, Mr Willis?

Have you ever seen your mates die, Mr Willis?

Remember, it's you and your shitty kind who send them off to die in pursuit of some alleged goal of your own.

All fucking politicians are shite!

Particularly when they are fourth rate bastards like yourself.

A Tale of Two Donkeys

2006-09-29T21:52:00.000Z

Anyone out there who likes a good story, well told, could do no better than read this.

As good as Jack London at his best.

From me, that is a real accolade.

(NB: Aside to author - who, I trust, still considers me a friend after this - there are a couple of typos that need to be corrected before publication in a revenue-earning format, but what are publishers' editors for!)

Gizza Job...

2006-09-29T21:01:00.000Z

As of this Sunday I will be submitting job applications for all those 6 figure salaried 'positions' advertised in the quality Sunday papers without fear of writing "D.O.B. 12/July/1916" on my C.V., thanks to the 'Employment Equality (Age) Regulations 2006'.

From then on the bastards cannot discriminate against me on account of my age, disabilities, sexual orientation or religious beliefs - as long as I'm not an atheist transvestite suffering from Tourette's Syndrome, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, non-OCD anxiety disorders, Executive Dysfunction, depression, Bipolar Disorder, autism spectrum disorders including Asperger's Disorder, 'rage attacks,' sensory integration issues, sleep disorders, or a thousand and one other debilitating mental disorders as classified by the 'Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - IV (Text Revised)'.

And the reason I have to seek employment at my age? Simple: Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, those soi-disant 'socialists', whilst both professing great compassion for the poor of this world have adamantly refused to re-establish the link between State pensions and wages that the Conservatives first decoupled all those years ago.

Mind you, I do understand their predicament. Were they to re-establish the link, where would they find the money to fund their ill-thought out incursions into Afghanistan and Iraq, or to pour our taxes away into the sewer that is Sudan - not to mention any of the other frivolous expenditure they have incurred (and are promising to continue) in order to feed their own egotistical desires to be seen as 'World Leaders' and 'notable figures in history'.

Funny how both of them are Scots, but never seem to have heard the expression: feed your ain first!

Oh, yes, and before anyone out there accuses me of lack of charity, I'm willing to bet that, in proportion, I've given more away in my lifetime to those more needy than anyone who reads this, and what's more my Will leaves everything I own to charitable objects.

And as for anyone who ripostes that there are lots of other State 'handouts' for those who cannot manage on the paltry State Pension, just let them try to claim them. Manifold forms that are so complex that highly articulate and educated persons have difficulty comprehending, opaque legislation that even the trained senior staff in the requisite government departments that are supposed to process these claims cannot comprehend or explain, and interminable delays before the matter even begins to approach a resolution (in my own case, over two years now and still ongoing) and there you have some idea of the lies and incompetency that Tony and Gordon hide behind.

Maybe I should apply for their jobs?

Here's What To Do With Tony & His Plans

2006-09-28T22:06:00.000Z

Original picture credits belong to 'no2id-supporters' with suitable additions by The Old Git himself.

Visit their site; even better, join their campaign.

Above all, don't be fooled by the war-cry that these tyrants use to justify their draconian inroads into our civil liberties: 'Innocent people have nothing to fear!' (Incidentally, first coined by that 'creature of the night', Michael Howard). Even that bastion of illiberality the General Synod of the Church of Scotland has stated vociferously that such a claim is spurious, offensive and downright wrong.

BTW, I've still got my ID card from the last time they were issued in this country (during WWII); they didn't stop anyone who wanted to from breaking the law then and they won't now, but they will impinge very seriously on your life.

Still, the jobsworths will love them, not to mention the rather large army of 'enforcers', as well as Tony's pals and backers in the IT industry.

Puppet & Master

2006-09-26T22:05:00.000Z

The Senate Intelligence Committee has found no evidence of links between the regime of Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda.

In a report issued on Friday, it also found that was little or no evidence to support a raft of claims made by the US intelligence community concerning Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.

The 400-page report was three years in the making, and is probably the definitive public account of the intelligence used to justify the invasion of Iraq.

In fact, the intelligence agencies had been extremely cautious in suggesting links between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda.

It was Vice-President Dick Cheney who asserted most strongly in public that Saddam Hussein's regime and al-Qaeda had an operational relationship, though his puppet, George W Bush, also lent his voice to the known lie.

Friday's report, issued by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, provides another definitive statement that the assertions by the President and Vice-President were simply not true.

So when are the US authorities going to impeach these lying bastards for their criminal acts?

And when are the American people going to wake up?

"Mind Your Ps and Qs"

2006-09-26T18:23:00.000Z

"Mind Your Ps and Qs" is the title of an article on Sky.com which claims that, "Good manners are dying out in Britain, according to a new poll [conducted by by website VideoJug]...other dying traditions include discipline, handwriting, needlework and survival skills."

Sky continues, "...the skill most Birtons would like to have is making money (sic)...However others want to improve on moer simple aspects of their lives (sic)".

Seems that Sky's article emphasises the point quite nicely, don't you think?

Maybe they should take to heart the lesson exhorted by their title: "Mind Your Ps and Qs"

Is Pope Benedict XVI Duplicitous, Mendacious, Or Just Plain Stupid?

2006-09-25T16:23:00.000Z

According to the BBC, Pope Benedict XVI said today, "I would like today to stress my total and profound respect for all Muslims."

Does that include the Muslims who deliberately murdered thousands in the Twin Towers atrocity, your Eminence? Or those involved in the Madrid bombings, or London, or any one of a thousand or so similar murderous suicide attacks that have taken place recently?

And do you have "total and profound respect" for all those other Muslims who have refused actively to condemn these suicide attacks on (mainly) non-Muslims?

Oh, but I forgot: at one time you also professed "total and profound respect" for Adolph Hitler and all that he stood for too.

Why am I not convinced that I should show any respect for any of you who claim to believe in a god, hmmm?

Too Few Jails?

2006-09-24T21:42:00.000Z

According to The Observer, emergency plans to house convicted prisoners in police cells are being drawn up by the government as jails in England and Wales come close to overflowing. What nonsense!

Everyone knows that most criminals in Britain are inmates of local authority council-housing estates, so there is absolutely no need to make any other provision for them!

Incidentally, can any social commentator provide us with a valid explanation as to why they turn perfectly reasonable housing into sinks-estates and no-go areas?

Oh, and before some apologist or a social-scientist trundles out the usual crap about deprivation etc., I'd just like to remind you that me and my kind were brought up in real poverty, in circumstances that were unbelievably overcrowded and unhygenic, yet we managed to treat each other with a respect that is rarely evident these days.

Just a thought: Why not send them all the scroats to Afghanistan, or Iraq, perhaps even Sudan or North Korea, even Iran? Yes, Tony, why not start another fucking stupid war to get rid of the riff-raff? Now there's an original idea for you.

What It’s Really All About

2006-09-24T19:03:00.000Z

So many pronouncements have been made by various western politicians and religious leaders who are either deluding themselves or lying to the rest of us that Islam is a religion of peace and harmony that I just had to consult a real expert in the field. So, I questioned Professor Howard Eyenoe of the International School of Islamic Studies and set forth the essence of his replies:-

TOG: We are constantly being told that the word ‘islam’ means peace; is that correct?

HE: Badly worded question. Affirmative that we are constantly being told that, but negative as to ‘peace’ being the meaning of the word ‘islam’. It actually means total submission and obedience to their god, or ‘Allah’.

TOG: So a ‘Muslim’ is one who is totally submissive and obedient to the alleged words of Allah?

HE: Yes, the word ‘muslim’ is derived from the word islam, and it applies to a person who is ready to take orders from Allah and follow him.

TOG: And what is it that Allah exhorts his believers to do?

HE: First you must understand that the English word ‘religion’ does not properly encompass the meaning or the Arabic word ‘deen’, which has a variety of meanings, the most important of which are:-

Subjugation, authority, and ruling
Obedience and submission due to subjugation
The method and the habit.
Punishment, reward and judgment.

These meanings are combined in the Qur’an to promulgate a comprehensive system of life that is composed of four parts: -

1. Authority belongs to Allah only.

2. One must be obedient and submissive to Allah.

3. Allah’s authority is comprehensive both intellectually and practically.

4. The rewards given by Allah to those who followed his system and submit to him, and the punishment to be inflicted upon those who rebel against it and disobey or ignore it, whether through ‘ignorance’ or choice.

TOG: Sounds a little authoritarian, to say the least, but surely there is nothing different in that than, say, the Jewish Torah or the Old Testament?

HE: Superficially, perhaps, but I as far as I am aware there have been no religious leaders for several hundred years of either the Judaic or Christian tradition who have exhorted their respective ‘believers’ to go out and murder those who do not share their faith.

TOG: So, you’re saying that Islamic clerics are doing that, are you?

HE: Read your Qur’an, it’s full of it and recited every Friday all over the world. Here are just a few examples:-

Sura 5.33 The punishment of those who wage war against Allah and His apostle and strive to make mischief in the land is only this, that they should be murdered or crucified or their hands and their feet should be cut off on opposite sides or they should be imprisoned

Sura 8.12 [Allah] revealed to the angels: I am with you, therefore make firm those who believe. I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their heads and strike off every fingertip of them.

Sura 9.73 O Prophet! strive hard against the unbelievers and the hypocrites and be unyielding to them

TOG: OK, OK, I take your point, but you must take mine: That sort of language is no different to much of the same vile exhortations one can find in the Torah or Old Testament!

HE: But Muslims are taught that the Qur’an is the inerrant word of God and that if they do not live their lives in complete subjugation to those words they themselves become legitimate targets for the retribution which Allah has promised other unbelievers!

TOG: But it’s just a matter of interpretation, surely?

HE: So, it was “just a matter of interpretation” that made Muslims crash two passenger aircraft into the Twin Towers, was it? And what about the Muslims who perpetrated the Madrid bombings, or those in London? Or the hundreds if not thousands of suicide bombers who have plied their murderous acts of terrorism across the globe? But if that is not sufficient to convince you that it is not “just a matter of interpretation” behind these persons' actions, consider the remarkable lack of vehement condemnation heaped upon them by other, so-called, moderate Muslims, not to mention the outright and frequently vociferous support and adulation that is heaped upon these perpetrators.

TOG: But you can’t hold all Muslims responsible for the actions of a minority, and it is just a minority who are committing these atrocities.

HE: Affirmative that only a minority is committing these atrocities. Negative that the majority is beyond criticism. They should be excoriating the perpetrators who are suborning this allegedly ‘peaceful’ religion for wicked and malicious acts of terrorism, but until they do so these acts of sheer barbarism will continue to be carried out in the name of Islam!

TOG: Thank you for your time, Howard Eyenoe.

Who's Telling Porkies?

2006-09-21T22:57:00.000Z

According to the BBC, President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan has accused US Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage of threatening to bomb Pakistan "back to the stone age" unless it joined the fight against al-Qaeda, but your trusty nonagenarian has interviewed the man at the centre of this incredible accusation and can reiterate his comments here for all to see.

Wake Up, Dolts!

2006-09-20T22:22:00.000Z

According to the BBC, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair said earlier today that it was extraordinarily difficult to clamp down on Islamic extremism without offending large groups of Muslims.

When is this guy ever going to learn?

These people are not extremists; they are simply true believers carrying out what Mohammed claimed is the orders of their god.

According to these people, any Muslim who is not willing to condone murderous attacks on all non-Mulsims and apostates is themselves a legitimate target for murder in the name of their so-called god.

When are those in authority in the West going to realise the truth about Islam and stop their mealy-mouthed apologia for it by claiming that it is "a religion of peace and harmony".

Have these clowns never read the Qu'ran or the Hadith?

And why is it that the authorities in this country allow Muslim fanatics to abuse the rest of us in such a way that would not be tolerated were we to adopt the same behaviour in both speech and action towards Muslims?

Are all our politicians so craven that they will pander to Muslims for the sake of their votes? (And please don't remind me that that bunch of racist intellectually sub-normal who call themselves the BNP have spoken out on this issue; I'm talking about real politicians here).

Can you imagine the uproar by Catholics (not to mention the rest of us) if the United Kingdom's most senior police officer had offered the excuse for not dealing with the IRA that, "It is extraordinarily difficult to clamp down on Irish terrorists without offending large groups of Catholics!"

Now, thanks to the pusillanimous powers that be in this country, I'll either be arrested for writing this, or else I'll be murdred by some Muslim nutter.

Fuck the lot of you!

Please Explain...

2006-09-20T22:11:00.000Z

Why an illegal but bloodless coup d'etat by the Thais to remove a corrupt and incompetent domestic government is wrong whilst an illegal and bloody pre-emptive regime change in Iraq by Bush and Blair is permissable?

About all it's worth...

2006-09-16T22:57:00.000Z

You Can't Do Better Than A Kwick Fit Fitter...

2006-09-10T22:12:00.000Z

...Or at least that's what they'd have you believe, but Dita Von Teese would like to suggest otherwise. For those of you who would like to see more of her dubious charms, they can be found here.

You've got to admit that she does a good job of self-promotion.

However, I wonder if she's got any more idea than a Kwick Fit Fitter what a torque-wrench is for?

"We just do the bolts up as hard as they'll go," is their usual response to a request for the correct torque settings!

Our Leader

2006-09-10T21:59:00.000Z

Your Leader

2006-09-10T21:58:00.000Z

Blogger Is CRAP

2006-09-10T20:28:00.000Z

Yes it is, now that Google is trying to do a Microsoft and take over the world their software is turning crap. Ever since they introduced beta-blogger posting to one's own or other blogs has become a tiresome pursuit which all too often results in abject failure. Eight times tonight I've tried to post to a friend's blog, and eight times their fucking crap new beta software has told me that it doesn't recognise me. Moi? Pas possible! Now I'll have to resort to sending him an email instead. But just a mo'. If Google's bright new clever-dick software forces us to communicate by email, who needs Blogger in the first place? So come on guys, stop fucking us around; one Bill Gates in the world is sufficent, we don't need you to join him by producing even more crap software thats main claim to fame is it's thorough unreliability. Not that you give a fuck, sitting on your arses and counting your megabucks!

Shitheads!

Professor Bananas Is Alive And Well In Academia

2006-09-10T19:48:00.000Z

At the British Association's Science Festival Professor Bananas proclaimed without adducing any evidence whatsoever in substantiation that, “Children have intuitive theories about how things work. One of these theories is that objects have an essence, or soul.”

How does Professor Bananas know this? Because he has devised an amazing experiment! He convinces pre-school-age children that an object which they hold special will be put into a machine that can produce a copy of the object which is identical in every way. But according to the Professor the infants, who are offered the choice of having the original or the ‘perfect copy’ returned to them, strongly prefer the original, although the Professor does not quantify what he means by ‘strongly’. The justification that the children offer for their choice is that the original object is theirs, or that it is the real one, or that the other is a mere copy, but Professor Bananas proclaims that he knows their motivations better than they do, and that their choice proves that even babes in arms believe that objects have a supernatural essence or soul. Hmmm.

Professor Bananas has another theory, but this one at least is backed up with some empiric evidence: most academic theories are a lot of codswallop.

BTW, Professor Bananas also goes by the name of Professor Bruce Hood who holds the Chair of Developmental Psychology at Bristol University.

Still, it beats working for a living.

Why Must They Lie?

2006-09-10T18:42:00.000Z

The Papyrus organisation claims to be "a voluntary UK organisation committed to the prevention of young suicide and the promotion of mental health and emotional wellbeing", but unfortunately that doesn't include speaking factually and accurately to either their target audience or the rest of us.

Such lack of integrity on the part of Papyrus is exemplified by their statement, "type 'I want to kill myself' into an internet search engine offers access to 5m sites, many of which give information on how to commit suicide or chat-rooms where techniques are discussed." Well I've just carried out their instructions and Google produces only 61800 hits, Yahoo produces 59200, Altavista 81500, MSN Search 7768 and even meta-search engines such as Dogpile produce remarkably few hits. In short, adding all these results together and counting multiple hits produces fewer than 20% of the total that Papyrus claims. What's more important, however, is that a substantial number, perhaps even the majority, of those hits actually refer one to sites which offer potential suicidees with help and assistance to deal with their underlying problems.

Given the inaccuracy of the claims made by Payprus presumably they do not consider that acting with integrity and addressing issues honestly 'promotes mental health and emotional wellbeing'.

Fucking little chance they've got of receiveng an endowment from me then!

Not Haiku

2006-09-10T17:34:00.000Z

Sawing wood
By the pond.
The old frog replies
Croak.

So now you know how I spent my day. How about you?

First Dissemble, Then Obfuscate, Finally Threaten.

2006-09-10T09:07:00.000Z

Muhammad Abdul Bari, the secretary-general of the Muslim Council of Britain, fears that continued negative attitudes towards people of his faith could provoke a vast and angry backlash.

He dissembles that some police officers and sections of the media are demonising Muslims, treating them as if they're all terrorists — and that encourages other people to do the same. Hmmm, so the recent opinion polls which showed that 40% of Muslims consider that the atrocities committed by their fellow Muslims’ on the World Trade Centre and the London Buses/Underground were “entirely justified” were fabrications Dr. Bari? And the thousands of Muslims who took to the streets of London recently bearing placards proclaiming “Anyone who insults Islam must die”, “Kill all infidels”, “You will get your 9/11” and other vile threats were just carefully staged for the TV and press cameras to bring opprobrium on ‘decent Muslims’ were they Dr Bari?

He obfuscates, "When the IRA was blowing people up, the entire Catholic population of Britain was not demonised, so why is it happening to the Muslim community?" whilst ignoring the fact that mere possession of an Irish surname frequently resulted in harassment and demonisation by the police and other law enforcement agencies, and a number of spectacular ‘fit-ups’ and criminal convictions of otherwise totally innocent people.

He threatens, "If that demonisation continues, then Britain will have to deal with two million Muslim terrorists — 700,000 of them in London. If you attack a whole community, it becomes despondent and aggressive." Which rather brings me back to my first point and indicates that the polls of Muslim opinion and the press coverage of their demonstrations are not exaggerated.

Dr Bari, if you want us to believe that Muslims are not a threat to us, you would be better spending your time convincing all decent Muslims to condemn utterly and continually all and any atrocities carried out in the name of Islam. It is no use of you to claim that "When [moderate Muslims] speak we are ignored by the media, but when Abu Hamza or Omar Bakri Mohammed say something they are all over the papers", whilst choosing to ignore that leading Muslims wrote to Tony Blair last month saying his policy in Iraq and on Israel offered "ammunition to extremists" and put British lives "at increased risk" – as if this was an issue that affected Muslims only - and implying that Blair’s obscene foreign policy is some kind of justification for Muslim’s carrying out atrocities in this country.

In conclusion, Dr Bari, stop using your faith as an excuse to distinguish yourself from those of us who do not share it, but instead join with all well-intentioned people to condemn the atrocities that wicked people of all faiths and none are visiting on each other.

Download This At your Peril

2006-09-09T21:06:00.000Z

This amazing 151 page official document proves that Bush and his gang of sycophants in the White House lied to the American people and the World at large can be freely downloaded here.

Whist the document as a whole makes for a riveting read, those who are content with a brief rundown can do no better than visit the BBC here.

Warning: whilst this report bears the date and rubric "September 8, 2006 - Ordered to be printed", anyone who downloads the report and reads it is a de facto terrorist and contravenes the Homeland Security Act. Consequently such persons face immediate arrest and detention without trial.

Senile Dementia

2006-09-08T22:16:00.000Z

It is no longer PC to refer to 'senile dementia' as such and we now have all sorts of fancy new terms to allude to this distressing circumstance, such as 'multi-infarct dementia' or the ubiquitous 'alzheimer's disease', to name but two common appelations. However it is described, the sad fact is that it is frequently impossible to determine exactly which category of dementia a patient suffers from, and to that extent any diagnosis is truly meaningless - especailly as there is no known cure or palliative, whichever name the phenomenon is given. Fortunately not all of us will suffer from these distressing events - mainly by virtue of dying too soon for the effects to become obviously apparent - but for those of us with a family history of dementia every small lapse of memory reverberates like some death knell as we are told that whilst the cause of the affliction is generally unknown it is considered that there is a highly significant genetic component to it. Unfortunately I fall into that high-risk category, which explains, perhaps, why I have to keep stopping to ask myself what is the point I am trying to make.

My father was so exercised by the disintegration of his father before him that he determined to commit suicide before the ravages of the inevitable dementia consumed him. Unfortunately, by the time that his dementia had fully ensnared him he had lost the ability to take his own life, and I was too cowardly to assist him in his avowed intention. Strange is it not that it is considered an act of loving kindness to euthanise a loved pet which can no longer cope for one reason or another - indeed some authorities maintain that it is an act of cruelty not to do so - but that it is considered murder to do the same for a fellow human being whom one loved and cared for.

It is not pleasant to witness the complete disintegration of a personality, but it is even more unpleasant for the personality which is disintegrating to experience this - and in their all too brief moments of insight they are fully aware of what is happening to them, but are unable to bring about the release that they crave.

How much nicer to be able to arrange one's own end doing something that one enjoys, rather than being kept alive in some horrible state of continuing disintegration in a misnamed 'caring institution'. Death itself is not important, but the manner of it is. It is little wonder that so many over the millennia are unwilling to face that fact, and instead delude themselves with childish and irrational tales of a supernatural hereafter where they will live forever in some state of perfect bliss. As long as I know that I haven't fallen into that irrational fantasy I know that I am much less demented that my so-called 'normal' fellow man. The truly demented are those who need a god in their pathetic and demented little lives.

Now there are some who would object to the use of the descriptor 'pathetic' for those who believe in a god, but when no less a personage than Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor declaims that we need [his]god because we can no longer make it alone, to help us to give, to help us to be kind, to help us to love, then he demonstrates exactly how bereft of genuine compassion he really is and exposes himself as either a demented psychopath or a manipulative sociopath. No wonder he is such a vehement enemy of rational thinkers and is such an outspoken enemy of free thought.

Perhaps someone should euthanise Cardinal Murphy-O'Connor and his ilk.

Britain 'is now biggest security threat to US'...

2006-08-29T08:11:00.000Z

According to The Telegraph, some US sources Britain is now their biggest security threat, and they cite the recent opinion poll survey here which claimed that 25% of British Muslims believed that last year's London Tube bombings were justified!

Apparently neither the US Congress nor George Bush are prepared to sanction action against the UK as yet, but there may well come a time when they decide that a quick pre-emptive invasion would solve all their economic ills (third time lucky, you may say). No need to worry as long as Tony Blair is in charge, however; Bush still needs his pet poodle's support in too many foreign climes in the meantime!

Vladimir Tretchikoff, RIP.

2006-08-29T07:33:00.000Z

Vladimir Tretchikoff died on 26th August 2006.

It cannot be denied that he was one of the most successful artists ever - if success is measured in purely monetary terms - but his work was dismissed by the majority of soi-disant 'real artists' and the assorted pseuds, phoneys and charlatans who inhabit the arts world.

Whether Tretchikoff was a genius - which was how he saw himself - I cannot say, but I have had many an opportunity to observe, if not study, his work over the years. Certainly it was proficient, technically accomplished and gave much pleasure to many, but it never moved me - which is what I look for and expect in anything that purports to be art. I would not consider him to have been a failure on that ground alone, however, since there are many soi-disant 'real artists' who also fail to move me but who have none of Tretchikoff's proficiency or technical mastery which denies me anything in their work worthy of appreciation.

Whatever one feels about Tretchikoff's work, it is surely a sad day when one who has given so much pleasure to so many leaves us: Vladimir Tretchikoff, RIP.

There are rather fine obituaries to him here and here.

The Voice of Reason?

2006-08-28T08:23:00.000Z

At long last some of our lords and masters are beginning to see sense and admit the truth, though they are still being rather mealy-mouthed when they do. Nevertheless, the fact that they are more prepared now to say some of the things which need to be said is a welcome improvement on their pusillanimous and pandering speeches of the past.

According to an interview given to the BBC, Communities Secretary Ruth Kelly said that Islamic schools that promote "isolationism" and extremism should be closed, and that the government had to "stamp out" Muslim schools which were trying to change British society to fit Islamic values. She added that the government was opposed to any form of law contrary to British civil law, such as Sharia law.

Ms Kelly's comments followed the launch last week of the government's Commission on Integration and Cohesion, in which she urged a "new and honest" debate on diversity.

Ms Kelly said she did not believe the vast majority of British Muslims supported attacks on this country.

"Most Muslims would call those terrorists who would undermine the fabric of this society as not true Muslims but revolutionaries who are cowering under the cloak of Islam."

The commission, originally mooted last July in the wake of the London terror attacks, came amid growing fears of alienation, especially among young Muslims.

Ms Kelly said the government had to work with "these law-abiding Muslims people in this country who try to combat that".

She said she had met with many members of the Muslim community, including women's groups and young people as well as more traditional Islamic community leaders to deal with the threat of radicalised British Muslims.

"The bottom line is, if they are glorifying terrorism, if they are criminals, if they are breaking the law in this country then they should be arrested and dealt with appropriately.

"We've got to say that clearly and not be afraid to say it, and work with the community and the Muslim community as well."

About time that our politicians started to recognise that our much-vaunted 'multicultural society' has largely degenerated into a society that promulgates difference, exclusion and ghettoes, and that saying so does not make one a racist.

Pappa the Rappa!

2006-08-03T20:48:00.000Z

Yes he is! The Man of many talents has done it again. Read him here.

Old Gits Are Freedom Fighters: Official!

2006-07-31T07:43:00.000Z

As if the regular diatribes and excoriations in my blogs aren't proof enough, John Grimley Evans, Emeritus Professor of Geratology at University of Oxford, has argued that, far from being “a social incubus, the new caste of older people freed from the tangling nets of employment and patronage could be the grey guardians of all our freedoms”. To his voice has been added that of Raymond Tallis is former Professor of Geriatric Medicine at Manchester University who concludes his argument with this: "This is not an argument for a cognitive gerontocracy but a call for this new and growing generation of rentiers to take up the battle to defend the freedoms they have enjoyed but which, if present trends are unopposed, their grandchildren may not."

Those who want to read Raymond Tallis' piece "To the barricades, old codgers: you're the last bastions of threatened liberty" can do so here.